Scott H Young

What comes to mind when you think of communication skills. Things like public speaking, clarity and tone of voice, and the ability to organize your thoughts into a logical manner are probably typical. If you are thinking about oral communication, then this would include the pacing of your speech along with the tone of your voice. If you are thinking about written communication, then this would include word usage, sentence length and formatting.

But this is only half of communication.

The other half of communication is in listening. In order to speak, you need listeners. In order to write you need readers. In order to create art you need a catered event for people to stand back and go “Hmmm…”

Listening is the other half of communication, but it is so often neglected. Most of us want to become better speakers or writers, not better listeners or readers. Most of us think that being a good listener is to be courteous and polite, it is for the benefit of the speaker, not for ourselves.

Many people think of Toastmasters as a way to improve your speaking skills, but I would argue that it is an even better way to improve your listening skills. Depending on the size of the club, you will likely be listening far more than you will be speaking. The ability to pay attention and understand may not have the prestige and glory of giving a speech, but it is just as valuable (if not more so).

The true value of listening, however, isn’t for the speaker at all. It is for the listener themselves. Being able to understand and gather the ideas of others allows us to add them to our own. Gathering new ideas, new beliefs and new perspectives greatly enhances our own. Even if you disagree with someone, adding their perspective to yours allows you a greater understanding of reality.

Why don’t people value listening? I think there are multiple answers to this question and I think they all come into play for us at some time or another.

Arguably the biggest reason we like to speak more than listen is because we would rather persuade than be persuaded. In order to truly listen, we have to open ourselves up for the possibility of being persuaded. This represents a subtle threat to our own worldview. Any time we come across information that conflicts with our worldview, our instinct is to try to push it away. As a result, we would much rather speak and reinforce our worldview, then listen and create the potential for it to change.

Unfortunately having a closed mind, desperately trying to avoid changing our perspective is going to cut us off from many options, and greatly impair our understanding of reality. In this case, we need to fight the temptation to shut off any voices that might disagree with us and listen to them. These voices might very well be offering the perspectives we need.

This is one of the main causes of arguments. People argue because they are adamant on speaking their views but refuse to listen. If you’ve ever heard Democratic and Republican party members debate on a news program it is almost ridiculous. Everyone is quickly trying to speak in their side of the story, often interrupting the other members.

Here’s a tip when you get in an argument. Try listening. Usually when you truly listen to someone, the other person usually calms down when they realize they don’t have to yell to get your attention. Empathy is usually the antidote to hostility.

Even in situations where we agree with the speaker, we often value speaking over listening. These situations can often be caused when the ideas that match create ever-increasing enthusiasm until everyone is trying to speak at once. This is more common in a large group, where several people are each vying to share their thoughts.

In these cases we are often so worked up over our ideas that we neglect listening in an attempt to share them. Being able to work in an orderly fashion, between listening and talking will ultimately work better than trying to yell them all at once. It might even be necessary to use an object to designate who gets to speak. That way it would be easier to divide the speaking evenly between all of the members involved.

One of Steven Covey’s seven habits in his best-selling book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, was entitled “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” This simply means that we need to focus on listening, before we try to speak. Most people would really like to just have someone to listen to their thoughts. Speaking and informing can only be successful after that.

Communication, if we look at it more broadly than just the act of auditory speaking and listening, can also be used to represent businesses. Businesses are profitable because they sell products or services. Therefore, the best businesses are the best speakers, aren’t they?

But this isn’t entirely true. In order to successfully sell a product or service, you need to know what people want. You need to know what people want and need to buy. Furthermore, you need to be extremely sensitive to the thoughts and ideas of your customers. In other words, the best businesses are (or at least used to be) excellent listeners.

Marketing guru, Seth Godin, explains this so well when he writes:

“Two things marketers do:
1. Do the work necessary to be sure that your perception of the world is similar to the world as it is.
2. Create the stories (and the experiences to back them up) that change the world as it is.

Most marketers fail at #1. By focusing on what they want, or by having a selfish view of things, they miss the reality of what the world believes.”

Basically Seth is describing the process of listening and speaking. Realizing that you have to understand before you can market anything illustrates it.

In other words, in order to be a good speaker, you have to be a good listener. You need to be able to listen to other people and understand their needs, desires and ideas. If you refuse to listen then you cannot be a good speaker. In fact, you will likely be a horrible speaker.

Where does this leave me? Does it seem rather hypocritical to be writing a post on the value of listening over speaking? While I don’t profess to be the worlds greatest listener (or speaker) I have been able to respond to every comment that has been posted on my blog so far. Furthermore, given the large volume of blogs and books I read, I’d say I get a lot of practice in trying to understand others opinions, even when they disagree with mine.

So how can we become better listeners. With all things, listening is a skill that can be developed with practice. Being able to pick up on subtle pieces of body language or tones in voice are arguable not nearly as important as simply putting the effort into listening. Most of us could be better listeners if we just bothered to try. Sensitize yourself to opportunities for improving your listening. I think the world could be a lot more open and caring place if more people were actually listening.

There are many benefits to regular exercise. With the rising levels of obesity and heart disease in North America, the need to exercise regularly is even greater. Not only is exercise good for your overall level of health, but exercise can increase your energy levels and reduce stress to help make you more effective. Of those who don’t exercise, many say it is because they are too busy. This is represented so well in the story of the lumberjack.

The lumberjack goes out on his first day and saws down twenty trees, before retiring for the night. On the second day of sawing the lumberjack only manages to saw down nineteen trees before nightfall, but to keep up his daily quota he works an extra hour to saw the twentieth tree. On the third day, the lumberjack can only saw down eighteen trees and as a result, he once again stays later into the night to finish the job.

This continues for an entire week, until an old friend stops to see the lumberjack. The lumberjack hastily tells the man his predicament while he continues to saw. Upon hearing this the friend asks the lumberjack why he doesn’t stop to sharpen his saw? In response, the lumberjack tells him he is far too busy sawing to do that!

Unfortunately, I think exercise has really earned a bad reputation. Most people associate it with using a lot of effort and time for something that isn’t really enjoyable. These people then classify exercise into the long list of things that you “should” do. As a result, exercise becomes incredibly infrequent and is only done “when I have the time”.

Instead, we need to make exercise not something we should do but something that we want and need to do every day. I personally made this change in myself a few months ago when I changed a habit to exercise for an hour every day. I wanted to ensure that exercise was going to be something that was part of my daily routine, rather than something I did haphazardly.

Here are some of the benefits of making exercise a part of your daily routine:

Health

This one is pretty clear. Exercise is linked to the prevention of many diseases and is a critical component in your overall level of health. Diseases such as cancer, diabetes and heart disease all have links to exercise. Even if your body isn’t showing the symptoms of these disorders yet, you will pay for it in the years ahead if you don’t stay active.

Energy

Exercise gives you energy. Some people say that they are “too tired” to exercise after a hard day. That’s a bit like saying you’re too hungry to eat. Unless your job is physically grueling (i.e. not just mentally taxing and stressful) exercise is one of the best ways to get a burst of energy. Whenever I’m feeling tired, exercising for an hour leaves me full of energy afterwards.

Stress Relief

We all have bad days. Once again, a common excuse for not exercising is that you “had a bad day”. Exercise releases endorphins into the brain which actually reduce stress and create the feeling of happiness. Furthermore, exercise won’t leave you feeling guilty as you might from polishing off a box of Oreo’s. In the end, exercise will give you a longer lasting and ultimately more constructive form of stress relief.

Social

Exercising doesn’t have to be a solitary activity. Exercising is way more fun when you do it with other people. Join a community sports team or participate in a group activity. Even if you’re just going to the gym, bring along a friend to do the workout together. Having a partner can keep you motivated and encouraged to keep going and it can make exercising more fun.

These are just a few of the benefits of exercising. Along with these benefits you also improve your strength and endurance and increase your level of confidence. With all of the benefits of exercise, why don’t more people exercise regularly. Here are some of the excuses I think people have for not exercising:

I Don’t Have the Time

I’m confused here. How can you have too little time? I was pretty sure everyone got 24 hours each day. What you really mean is that it isn’t important enough to you. Seeing as you’ve just read my list of the benefits of exercise and you understand its importance, clearly that isn’t the case. Don’t tell me you don’t have time and don’t tell me you’re too busy. If it is important to you, then make time.

Perhaps what you really mean when you say this is that you have made too many commitments to other people that have used up all of your time. In that case you might just have to learn to start saying no to people. A few disappointed people are well worth your long-term health and energy levels.

Exercise is Boring

Exercise doesn’t have to be boring. There are many ways you can make exercise lots of fun. Just because it is good for you doesn’t mean it has to be boring or painful! Some of the things you can do to make exercise more fun:

• Variety - Try out lots of different ways to exercise. Chances are you’ll find some that you like more than others. Maybe you just haven’t found the particular form of exercise you like?
• Listen to Music - With the size of mp3 players and iPod’s nowadays, you can listen to a lot of music doing virtually anything. I like to listen to fast music when I am running. I find music often helps me push harder during my workout.
• Grab a Friend - Go with a friend to the gym. Get them to do the same workout you are going to do. This way you can have someone to talk to in between sets and you can help motivate each other.
• Make it a Game - Sports and other physically involving games often don’t feel like exercise at all. By making exercise a game you can greatly increase the chances you’ll stick with it.

I Don’t Exercise

Some people simply don’t exercise because it isn’t a habit for them. I’ve outlined a lot of benefits for exercise and even gone over ways you can overcome some of its potential deficits. But this doesn’t matter if exercise isn’t a part of your lifestyle. If you don’t regularly exercise now, doing one or two workouts likely won’t make you addicted to it.

Exercise yields amazing long-term and even short-term benefits, but it takes a bit of getting used to. Using a process similar to the one I outlined here for how to change a habit can make that adjustment a lot easier. Likely the first month or so of your exercise workout will require an adaption period that doesn’t make it seem as attractive.

Furthermore, if you aren’t used to exercising, you may not be used to making it a priority. If you lead a busy life, trying to schedule in an hour of exercise means you have to displace something else. If that means watching your favorite television show, this might seem like an initial sacrifice. Don’t worry about it now. Use your willpower to get yourself exercising regularly and after a few weeks you’ll really see it start to pay off.

Exercise gives energy and reduces stress, but for most of us, exercise isn’t our default behavior to cope with these things. What are most peoples defaults for dealing with fatigue? Well for a lot of people it means sitting on the couch watching television. Conditioning yourself to think of exercise as the solution to your energy problem may not come naturally at first, so be patient.

Similarly, what are most peoples defaults when it comes to stress? For a lot of people it might mean eating junk food, drinking, smoking or venting your anger on a family member. Replacing the tendency to reach for a bag of potato chips and instead go to the gym might take some getting used to, but it is ultimately far more constructive.

Try to think of some of your own habits for handling stress and fatigue. Even if exercise is a regular habit, using exercise as a tool against stress or fatigue is usually far more effective than the alternatives.

If you’ve read this far then I think you understand the benefits of regular exercise. If you already exercise regularly hopefully you can now see some ways in which you can make exercise more fun and less of a chore. If you don’t exercise regularly, I challenge you to start today. Don’t wait until you have time or you might never start. Start exercising today and get the most out of your life!

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