Do you hate your job? With popular books like The 4-Hour Workweek
But sometimes it is you. Your distaste for work might come from something other than a job description. In order to love work, you need to change how you deal with it.
Work is a Relationship
When a relationship goes bad, part of the problem might be that it just wasn’t a good match. You weren’t right for each other.
But part of the problem might be how you handle relationships. Jealousy, nagging or commitment issues aren’t usually desirable, no matter what your personality type is. Finding a match is important. But unless you have a healthy attitude and ability to handle relationships, they will never work.
Your relationship with work is the same. Finding the right match, or your passion, is critical. But without getting the right attitude and behaviors towards your work, you’ll always hate it.
Hate From Force
Many people report to hate their jobs, even though they actually feel happier when working. In the book Flow
Isn’t this insanity? That we’re driven to do what makes us feel worse, and are completely unaware of it?
I believe the reason is because of force. Leisure is optional, work is necessary. Because you choose to relax, that makes you feel happier about it than the work you are forced to do. This is why many people enjoy hobbies but hate work. Both can be equally engaging and challenging, but only one is a choice.
Work is a Choice
How do you remove this unnecessary hate of work. Realize that work is a choice.
Some work might be necessary to buy food and shelter. But unless you are nearing extreme poverty, your income probably covers that several times over. Tuition, clothes, travel, entertainment and cars are all luxuries. Don’t mistake them for the necessities.
If you regard work as a choice, two things happen:
- You become more aware of your actual level of passion for the job.
- Any passions you do have can be expressed.
If work is only a choice, you might realize that you absolutely hate your job. As a result, your goal should be to start looking for a new job immediately, even if you need to take a cut in pay.
But what you might realize is that the chains of necessity are depriving you of taking any enjoyment out of a job you might like. If you have the power to choose, then you can appreciate work more. I know many people that got into a career they enjoyed, but feeling forced to work slowly twisted any joy they got from it until they were left with hate.
Building a Work Ethic
Beyond just your attitudes, you need to take a look at how you approach work. If any pressure or difficulty makes you want to jump on a plane to Hawaii, then even a great job will make you miserable. Without a strong work ethic, you can’t get the intrinsic benefits work can offer.
A strong work ethic means you can get satisfaction from working hard and you’ve disciplined yourself to overcome initial frustrations. This work ethic takes practice and skill. Relationships with people won’t work if you lose your temper with the first fight. Similarly, your relationship with work can’t function if you don’t have a work ethic to get you over the hard parts.
I love to write. Although I get paid to do it, I would keep doing it even if it paid me nothing and I was broke.
However, it can usually take ten to fifteen minutes of thinking and tweaking before I settle upon an idea to write about. Sometimes I can write off articles immediately without stopping and other times I can sit at my computer for half an hour, playing with ideas without finding a topic and angle I like.
During these difficult periods, the immediate urge is to give up. But I’ve learned if I can push through momentary creative blocks, the work can be incredibly satisfying. Once you build up a pace, you feel as if nothing can slow you down.
Work can give difficulties in little blocks like these, or major blocks with a manager who can’t meet results with his employees or a programmer who doesn’t know where to start a project. Building a work ethic means you can push through these frustration barriers and actually enjoy the work you do.
Changing the Role of Work
I don’t want to suggest you should stick with a job you hate. I’d never suggest you hang on to a toxic relationship, and the same is true here. But don’t just look for a match. Consider your behaviors and attitudes towards work. Unless you change your perceptions of work and build a work ethic to move through barriers, any job will be painful.
I'm a speed-reading, vegetarian, holistic learning, productivity hacking university student.
I like your comments on work. I believe that work is an essential part of life, and you must realize and choose to do it for it the work to eventually uplift you. Mihaly’s study is true to my life, in that I cannot enjoy leisure fully without work.
Moreover, outside of the need to provide the basics of food and shelter for life, work plays a huge part in defining our lives. Not only in the type of work we choose to do, but how we choose to do it. Sometimes we have little choice in the first, but complete control over the later. There is certain power of character that is absent in people who either do not labor or do not produce quality effort.
My father shared a poem with me that has always stuck. ( I have also read a variant that replaces the word ‘duty’ with ’service’, which brings a lot of interesting ideas into play, such as selfishness leading to unhappiness and why do we go to work: for the family wellbeing or for material possessions?).
I slept and dreamt that life was Joy.
I woke and saw that life was Duty.
I acted, and behold, Duty was Joy.
–Rabindranath Tagore
Thank you for looking beyond the “I hate my job” mentality, to the core of many work issues. At the end of the day, we are all responsible for our attitude and level of commitment. Taking that responsibility seriously can help us find real enjoyment in good old fashioned hard work.
Scott, you should really consider making an audio podcast of exactly what you write.
Hey scott, great insight. i think one of the causes of this is attributed to how people can get ’suckered’ into a job they don’t really like. They stay because they don’t want to deal with searching for a new one. I’m starting this new website called JobDud.com (http://www.jobdud.com) that has job reviews so people can read about people’s jobs before actually going for the job. I think it can be very useful for people finding the right motivation in a job.
Good article. But one thing you forgot to cover was abusive bosses and bureaucratic environments. Now matter how good of a work ethic you may have these negative aspects of a job can ruin your life no matter how hard you try.
Jake,
Agreed. One more reason to be self-employed.
-Scott
Nah.
you got it wrong. You probably are the son of a rich man that can afford to take time off work and think that work is a choice.
You’re stupid and close minded.
Commit suicide, it might be better for the society
nah,
I think I’ll pass on your suggestion. But I appreciate the perspective.
-Scott
Work makes lots peopler very ill. theres nothing good about it at all, people do it for money, if we used the technology we had properly we should only have to work about three days a week at this point. If works so good how come paris hilton doesnt get a job..
You make some good points, but working at a relationship with work simply does not resonate with many people. It is important to find things that make you fulfilled, happy, and passionate about life, but for many, work isn’t it. No amount of working at it will make them feel better about what they do for a living, and some change jobs and careers many times without finding any satisfaction. I think there’s undo pressure to “find your passion”, and if you don’t identify that passion, it magnifies that sense that something’s wrong or missing.
Most of us have relationships with people — not work — because those relationships enrich our lives. In order to have an enriching, mutually beneficial relationship, the parties that enter into the relationship should ideally be equals and involved because they want to — not because they have to. In a healthy interpersonal relationship, you don’t worry that your “superior” will replace you because you already know your worth.
This is how work is not a relationship — not if one person has to do all the changing and adjusting to cram their uniqueness into someone else’s preset mold. It’s too one-sided. Sure, everyone could just go out and become self-employed, but many personality types are not suited to that kind of risk-taking. Most people work to subsidize their lives, and their avocational passions (if any) don’t translate into money.
People need a sense of purpose in life, and the pressure to find that purpose specifically in work is often misplaced. Purpose doesn’t have to come from your day job. Just knowing that can be freeing to many people who are wracking their brains trying to feel good about work.
E,
Your comments echo some of the writing of Penelope Trunk from the Brazen Careerist. Her thoughts are that you probably won’t like work, so learn to enjoy other parts of life.
I’ll admit, that can be an effective compromise if it’s truly necessary. I disagree with the statement because I have been involved in work that is truly fulfilling, meaningful and fun. So I believe it’s important to fight towards.
-Scott
Fair enough. You are in the minority, though. I’m not telling anyone to give up on their quest for fulfilling, meaningful, and fun work. I have had work experiences that fit that description, but ultimately were not lucrative, and could not be sustained given the time commitment they required. For me the more apt relationship is to time and money; i.e. what is my work worth to me and to others? People who fight towards a path that ultimately leads to frustration, then acceptance, at least get to find out what work does and doesn’t mean to them.
(BTW, I realize in my previous comment I should have used “undue” instead of “undo”.)
Thanks for the post.
E,
A valid perspective. I think the love/tolerance trade-off is something you can pursue with many different avenues, depending on the relative chance for success (career, health, relationships, etc.).
-Scott
E,
I could not agree more with what you have said.
Work or Slavery as used to be called is really stupid to be passionate about and I dont think Work no matter how, you manipulate your mind with feel good solutions, will ever give your life purpose. Work is something you arer forced to do there is no other way this is how the system is set up. Sure you can play around with words and compare it to a love relationship to make an interesting article that ultimately will change nothing for everyone. You SCOTT sure dont like work either that s why you hope to make this site into a money generating machine infact you despise working people but like to take their time and money filling them with above nonsence.
To all of you people traped in work I feel you and advice you not to listning to gurus but feel allright about beeing negativ because that is the natural thing to be in a situation like this. Bet if you cut of Scotts arms and legs and then told him to positiv and to have a pasionate perspectiv on his lemless life, he would tell you to go to hell. theese gurus are all fakes.
Peter,
1. I’m not a guru, never said I was, never intend to be one. I’m just a guy with an opinion, like you.
2. I don’t intend to stop working, and yes I love work. I have no intention of building this website into a completely passive income generator. And, even if I did, I’d start something else when I was no longer needed.
3. Don’t cut off my arms and legs.
-Scott
I agree with Peter