Like you, I was also conscientious of following the rules and being the “good boy.” In fact I was afraid of authority because I let it have power over me. I viewed those in power as the ones holding the cards to my future.

But like you hinted, while having rules is good as far as establishing guidelines, sometimes it can be too much. It can stifle creativity and cause conflicts where there doesn’t need to be any.

Not to get religious or anything but look at all the man-made rules within the church community. I grew up Catholic and was atonished to discover, later in life, all those rules they had over the “faithful.” God never intended to have rules like that! In fact, man-made rules are the cause of so much hate and conflict.

For instance, why do we need border separation between Mexico and Canada? Why do we need to have a passport to go into another country? Can’t we just love our neighbors and go where we want to go without having to worry about authority-figures standing guard over us? It’s ridiculous, if you ask me.

Obviously, you touched a nerve in me and for that I’m grateful! It made for a lively discussion (at least I thought it did).

Cheers and thanks for letting me share.

“Make the rules (Rules) Then break them all cuz u are the best” – Prince, “Cream” song.

Remember that you’re the one that ultimately assigns meaning (needless task vs. challenge)
You may not be able to control what’s on your plate, but you can control how you eat it.
That said, defend your plate from drainful tasks and tasks that move you away from your outcomes

Key insights
- working memory vs. routine activity – http://blogs.msdn.com/jmeier/archive/2008/01/02/working-memory-vs-routine-activity.aspx
- adopt a growth-mindset over a fixed mind-set – http://blogs.msdn.com/jmeier/archive/2007/10/14/growth-mind-set-over-fixed-mind-set.aspx
- Here’s a note on the science behind why we resist change http://blogs.msdn.com/jmeier/archive/2008/01/02/two-reasons-why-people-resist-change.aspx.

There is a great irony in achieving exactly what you’re supposed to want to, only to find it is lacking exactly the lasting fulfillment you thought achieving it would bring. Without sufficient challenge to overcome, there is no real sense of achievement. I think this is true of personal relationships as much as it is work, “rules”, or life in general. Meaning comes through surmounting challenge. The particular form of that challenge and its results are up to the individual.

The comfort that following the rules brings comes in part from simplifying life into tired and tested methods to avoid a lot of the painful failure and chaos that is an inevitable part of trial and error.

Any tips on identifying acceptable challenge versus “needless stress”?

This is particularly true if you run projects. If you know yourself as a leader, then you know which rules you have to bend so you can be successful. For example, if you are “task-focused” but you are in a “people-focused” context, you can either adapt or change the game to suit your strengths. If you try and adapt, you may limit your success, if you stretch too far. Of course, the other option is to avoid those situations where you know you can’t change the rules and the rules don’t play to your strengths.

Crossed-expectations is a “conflict in rules.” This is particularly interesting because you might share the same values, but then have a conflict in styles. This is easier to fix than fixing a conflict in values.

I like a “ship” analogy a colleague gave me. Find out where the “ship” is going. If you like the destination, hop on. If you think it’s the wrong direction, share your thoughts — maybe they didn’t know what they didn’t know, or maybe you didn’t know what you didn’t know. Once you know where you want to go, and you know where the ship wants to go, if they are separate paths, then agree to disagree and go your separate ways.