I primarily focus on education. The way a child is raised has severe implications on how they communicate with others later in life. If we all demanded a better grade for poor effort, it would be a self-righteous state of war and chaos. Too much praise has proven to backfire, leaving children to choose the easier option they can excel at. When these children are slighted, they get defensive, in order to protect their image. Even gifted students must “hit a wall” to know what it feels like. They are afraid to fail.

This can lead to so many complications later in life. If everyone would just accept that there is always need for improvement/that there is always room to learn, I think a lot of people’s problems would be resolved. It would possibly be a happier Earth to live on.

I can’t wait to take a look at all the goodies on this site.
Thanks Scott!

Thank you sooo much Scott for fixing me right!

Vishal

I am thinking-(Subject to change with new information
that humility is an an attitude of openess and attention to your current environment. Being “In the moment”, and the willingness to consider the new information-and perhaps change……

That you are listening, and are not judging (comparing, being in your head or trying to think of whats next. Left brain activities) Stuff when you are stressed bog your mind to what is actually happening-

When you are not present, ie: having a keen awareness of your surroundings, your body feels threatened, as your mind is “elsewhere”.

This causes the body to feel physical stress. The more discomfort you feel the more “confidence you need to overcome it”.

Self Confidence allows us to face stressful situations in order to have experiences we might otherwise avoid in order to achieve a perceived goal.

Self confidence is for me a feeling that I can achieve and be successful in my endeavors- If I can do them with an open attitude and learn from the experiences I will succeed in being self confident and humble-

I feel like I am blithering on…..

Thanks for the site and insight-
Tracy

Outer confidence is that self manufactured confidence that’s really put on for others, to mask gaps or areas of development, cover up and avoid a weakness, compensate for self doubt, or to exert more “power” that we really have in a situation. It’s about “looking good” even though others see right through the mask.

Inner confidence much more easily leads to humility, while outer confidence is most often in conflict with humility, making humility very hard to practice.

I wish I could say I’ve always been in a place of inner confidence and not relied on the crutch of outer confidence, but that’s something I think is important for me to work on during life’s journey.

Thanks again for your inspiring post.

It occurred to me as I was considering the idea that I “need to practice humility”, is that the reason I was doing it was to “become a better person”, or “have happier relationships”. Aren’t these selfish goals that belie true humility? If one sees a personal goal that is easier to attain by practicing more “selflessness” or “graciousness”, isn’t this selflessness really just a form of selfish delayed gratification? And wouldn’t the graciousness really be a form of cynical manipulation?

These are “devil’s advocate” questions, as I really do believe in the value of humility and graciousness, but as an inherently selfish individual I’m having doubts about my own motives!

Comments?

Confidence is a feeling of skill or the belief that good outcomes will result from your actions. Esteem is a feeling of worth.

So you can have high self-esteem but low self-confidence, by believing you are inherently worthwhile and have a high value, but that you won’t be particularly successful. And, you can feel the opposite, that you will do really well but you don’t have value as a person. However, they tend to run together, so writers often use them synonymously.

-Scott

I really think this articles puts confidence in the right perspective. I also think by looking at it like this, you are able to increase your feeling of authenticity and slowly free yourself of pretending to be anything else than you are.

However, something I notice often is that humility and open-mindedness requires a basic level of self-confidence or self-esteem (no native English, so I’m not completely aware of the difference between the two).
The people most defensive when receiving feedack, are usually the people with least self confidence.

I’m curious how you think about this.

Thanks for your blog btw, I really like your approach and refusal to go fo the common themes or perspectives.

- Peter

I support the point you made with the example of people wanting to be a “more confident public speaker”. There is only so far you can go with extra confidence packed on, because that confidence won’t provide you with the right introductory phrases or punch-lines. I would say that this relates to the strong-and-wrong beating the weak-and-right concept, in that it is harder to find cases of those that are in the wrong, but overly confident, succeeding in a longer-term period of time. At some point, the skills have to be there or the reputation crumbles over its empty foundation. I would say that humility is on the rise, as people notice that it is more viable of an option than sustained overconfidence.