Comments on: The Reason People are Unhappy in Relationships http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:53:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: maria http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-348555 maria Thu, 20 Aug 2009 08:33:29 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/#comment-348555 i love your blog!! i can't wait to start on my painful journey to improve my social life. :D i love your blog!!

i can’t wait to start on my painful journey to improve my social life. :D

]]> By: Sherryl http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-347462 Sherryl Mon, 17 Aug 2009 09:55:07 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/#comment-347462 Scott, I find the challenge of balancing heart and common sense a continual challenge, but I also think that without that balance, it's easy to veer too far in one direction. Following your heart, when you expect an outcome of, say, publication, isn't going to work. The common sense side of you works out how to revise effectively, how to target your submissions, how to be professional. To me, that's not being depressing - that's dealing with reality in a positive way that contributes to your passion! That way, you will have a great chance of achieving your goals and heart's desire. I also think simply letting go of the impossible is a good strategy too. It's recognising the impossible that is the biggest task for many people! Scott, I find the challenge of balancing heart and common sense a continual challenge, but I also think that without that balance, it’s easy to veer too far in one direction. Following your heart, when you expect an outcome of, say, publication, isn’t going to work. The common sense side of you works out how to revise effectively, how to target your submissions, how to be professional. To me, that’s not being depressing – that’s dealing with reality in a positive way that contributes to your passion!
That way, you will have a great chance of achieving your goals and heart’s desire. I also think simply letting go of the impossible is a good strategy too. It’s recognising the impossible that is the biggest task for many people!

]]> By: Aurooba http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-347190 Aurooba Sun, 16 Aug 2009 03:46:04 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/#comment-347190 There's a difference between your heart and wants/desires/urges/impulses. Those who think they are following their heart by giving into their urges and wants without thinking are not following their heart, that's just plain foolishness. There’s a difference between your heart and wants/desires/urges/impulses. Those who think they are following their heart by giving into their urges and wants without thinking are not following their heart, that’s just plain foolishness.

]]> By: Jonathan http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-345928 Jonathan Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:45:36 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/#comment-345928 Meh, happiness is overrated. As a goal, it's practically meaningless. It's like catching air: Even if you could, you can't keep it. Happiness is a transient sense of reward and satisfaction you experience when you do something right or well. It's something you experience with life, not something to achieve in and of itself. I think it's pretty obvious that self-help books are really just designed to sell a common dream for profit. See: http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/lovehappens/ It's really not that complicated. I agree with you, Scott: use your brain first. Nothing leads to disillusionment and bitterness faster than "following your heart" chasing some naive pipe dream, believing it's the "good fight" or the "better way". The formula is very straight-forward: 1. Do what you like. 2. Do it well. 3. Get paid for it. The rest is details. Oh ya, and don't forget to smile. Meh, happiness is overrated.

As a goal, it’s practically meaningless. It’s like catching air: Even if you could, you can’t keep it.

Happiness is a transient sense of reward and satisfaction you experience when you do something right or well. It’s something you experience with life, not something to achieve in and of itself.

I think it’s pretty obvious that self-help books are really just designed to sell a common dream for profit. See: http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/lovehappens/

It’s really not that complicated.

I agree with you, Scott: use your brain first. Nothing leads to disillusionment and bitterness faster than “following your heart” chasing some naive pipe dream, believing it’s the “good fight” or the “better way”.

The formula is very straight-forward:

1. Do what you like.
2. Do it well.
3. Get paid for it.

The rest is details.

Oh ya, and don’t forget to smile.

]]> By: Scott Young http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-345924 Scott Young Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:34:30 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/#comment-345924 Chris, I like Steve Pavlina's heart/mind/body/spirit overlap model for life decisions. So, I completely agree. -Scott Chris,

I like Steve Pavlina’s heart/mind/body/spirit overlap model for life decisions. So, I completely agree.

-Scott

]]> By: Chris http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-345802 Chris Wed, 12 Aug 2009 06:38:53 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/#comment-345802 I think the actual solution to the problem is what is missing in the article and that it was already found by Steve Pavlina. In the case of career goals, it is briefly explained here: http://www.allbusiness.com/management/change-management/3875497-1.html . Rather than pitting "what do I want" against "what do I need" and/or against one of the other of the four questions given in the link, the key is to find the area where they overlap. If you pursue a career that satisfies all four criteria, it will not fail to make you happy. I think the actual solution to the problem is what is missing in the article and that it was already found by Steve Pavlina. In the case of career goals, it is briefly explained here: http://www.allbusiness.com/management/change-management/3875497-1.html . Rather than pitting “what do I want” against “what do I need” and/or against one of the other of the four questions given in the link, the key is to find the area where they overlap. If you pursue a career that satisfies all four criteria, it will not fail to make you happy.

]]> By: Scott Young http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-345529 Scott Young Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:08:24 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/#comment-345529 As a general response to the comments: Brain/heart isn't a mutually exclusive decision. I'm trying to advocate that you should follow your desires, but at the same time, carefully examine them. Dave: I never claimed it would make me happier, nor do I believe it will. This goal is simply an interesting pursuit for someone who is already in decent physical shape. I went in pursuing this goal knowing it was simply for the challenge, not the result. Mark: Pursuing your desires can lead to happiness, just not all of them. I've written a lot of articles on happiness, so my views are splattered throughout the archives. My main argument here was against the blind goal-setting and perfect narratives common in self-help. -Scott As a general response to the comments:

Brain/heart isn’t a mutually exclusive decision. I’m trying to advocate that you should follow your desires, but at the same time, carefully examine them.

Dave: I never claimed it would make me happier, nor do I believe it will. This goal is simply an interesting pursuit for someone who is already in decent physical shape. I went in pursuing this goal knowing it was simply for the challenge, not the result.

Mark: Pursuing your desires can lead to happiness, just not all of them. I’ve written a lot of articles on happiness, so my views are splattered throughout the archives. My main argument here was against the blind goal-setting and perfect narratives common in self-help.

-Scott

]]> By: Mark http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-345473 Mark Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:34:40 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/#comment-345473 Hey Scott! I think you are on to something, would you mind exploring the subject further? I like the part where you recognise that fulfilling desires does not always lead to satisfaction, but you never really go into what does. Warm regards/ Mark Hey Scott!

I think you are on to something, would you mind exploring the subject further?

I like the part where you recognise that fulfilling desires does not always lead to satisfaction, but you never really go into what does.

Warm regards/ Mark

]]> By: Avi Marcus http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-345470 Avi Marcus Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:22:38 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/#comment-345470 Or, you can decide to be happy and let life catch up. Ultimately, we are in control of how we view our life situation. By judging if it's good or bad, we create that emotional reaction in ourselves. You don't have to be stuck with your preconcieved notions, but can start to let them go (e.g. Sedona Method/Release Technique, Eckhart Tolle's Power of now) and just in general holding yourself emotionally where you want to be - general Law of Attraction practice - the Art of Allowing, as Abraham-Hicks terms it. What would it mean if you could choose to be happy, regardless of what is going on around you? Or, you can decide to be happy and let life catch up. Ultimately, we are in control of how we view our life situation. By judging if it’s good or bad, we create that emotional reaction in ourselves. You don’t have to be stuck with your preconcieved notions, but can start to let them go (e.g. Sedona Method/Release Technique, Eckhart Tolle’s Power of now) and just in general holding yourself emotionally where you want to be – general Law of Attraction practice – the Art of Allowing, as Abraham-Hicks terms it.

What would it mean if you could choose to be happy, regardless of what is going on around you?

]]> By: Dave Shepherd http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-345377 Dave Shepherd Tue, 11 Aug 2009 05:22:36 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/08/10/the-reason-people-are-unhappy-in-relationships/#comment-345377 I think you should always set your goals based on what you enjoy doing, not on what you think you would enjoy having. Set your goals around progress instead of focusing on the result. I pursue the goals I have because I like doing the stuff that I have to do to achieve those goals. I pursue filmmaking because I enjoy being on set and writing scripts. I don't really care about what's at the end of the road, I like exploring the road itself. I know what I enjoy doing, so I set goals that are achievable if I get better at what I already enjoy. To some extent, the journey is the goal. I think you should always set your goals based on what you enjoy doing, not on what you think you would enjoy having.

Set your goals around progress instead of focusing on the result.

I pursue the goals I have because I like doing the stuff that I have to do to achieve those goals. I pursue filmmaking because I enjoy being on set and writing scripts. I don’t really care about what’s at the end of the road, I like exploring the road itself.

I know what I enjoy doing, so I set goals that are achievable if I get better at what I already enjoy. To some extent, the journey is the goal.

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