Comments on: Do You Need Friends That Think Like You? http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/ Thu, 09 Sep 2010 20:08:29 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Mila http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-371611 Mila Mon, 04 Jan 2010 18:17:00 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?p=1301#comment-371611 Thanks for the blog. Two things come to mind: 1) I don't need my friends to share my values or lifestyle, but I do need them to be people who at their core care about others and value human connections... that's pretty much my only requirement. My oldest friend is ultra-conservative/religious and I'm very liberal/agnostic; however we acknowledge that we both want what is best for people, we just disagree on how to achieve that goal (because we differently define "what is best for people"). 2) A pertinent NYTimes article from last week claims that challenging your thoughts and values actually helps develop neural connections in your brain: here's a little quote and link: “...we need to ... challenge our perception of the world. If you always hang around with those you agree with and read things that agree with what you already know, you’re not going to wrestle with your established brain connections.” http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/education/edlife/03adult-t.html Thanks for the blog. Two things come to mind:

1) I don’t need my friends to share my values or lifestyle, but I do need them to be people who at their core care about others and value human connections… that’s pretty much my only requirement. My oldest friend is ultra-conservative/religious and I’m very liberal/agnostic; however we acknowledge that we both want what is best for people, we just disagree on how to achieve that goal (because we differently define “what is best for people”).

2) A pertinent NYTimes article from last week claims that challenging your thoughts and values actually helps develop neural connections in your brain: here’s a little quote and link:

“…we need to … challenge our perception of the world. If you always hang around with those you agree with and read things that agree with what you already know, you’re not going to wrestle with your established brain connections.” http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/education/edlife/03adult-t.html

]]> By: seamus http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-371091 seamus Sat, 02 Jan 2010 13:09:16 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?p=1301#comment-371091 interesting article. The last paragraph really got me thinking. "... in the future, I’m going to try to focus on finding currently shared challenges, rather than currently shared values when meeting new people." Surely this is what we all do already? When you meet someone new, it's common to find out about their situation before their values. For example, conversation topics like occupation, family, place of origin....situation focused small talk! rather than say political-ethical-religious value focused deeper conversation interesting article. The last paragraph really got me thinking.

“… in the future, I’m going to try to focus on finding currently shared challenges, rather than currently shared values when meeting new people.”

Surely this is what we all do already? When you meet someone new, it’s common to find out about their situation before their values. For example, conversation topics like occupation, family, place of origin….situation focused small talk! rather than say political-ethical-religious value focused deeper conversation

]]> By: Sid Ban http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-370612 Sid Ban Thu, 31 Dec 2009 14:09:48 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?p=1301#comment-370612 When you make a generalization you lose the argument. Furthermore, when you talk about what people need you find yourself lost because people may need someone with similar attitudes and values to bolster up their own thoughts about issues and having someone with contradictory thoughts can be unstabilizing. Emotions do count in relationships! And, it is obvious we don't need more religious beliefs and try to justify them by saying that it is very stimulatiing. We do not need to be too alert to realize the damage that religious thought has brought upon the people who live on this earth. So, let's stop with the platitudes and as the professor in Back to the Future said, "Let's get on with some serious shit." When you make a generalization you lose the argument. Furthermore, when you talk about what people need you find yourself lost because people may need someone with similar attitudes and values to bolster up their own thoughts about issues and having someone with contradictory thoughts can be unstabilizing. Emotions do count in relationships! And, it is obvious we don’t need more religious beliefs and try to justify them by saying that it is very stimulatiing. We do not need to be too alert to realize the damage that religious thought has brought upon the people who live on this earth. So, let’s stop with the platitudes and as the professor in Back to the Future said, “Let’s get on with some serious shit.”

]]> By: ira http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-369528 ira Fri, 25 Dec 2009 04:24:13 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?p=1301#comment-369528 Hmmm.. I dont know what to say... haha But I have a lot of friends that love me. & I love them so Hmmm..
I dont know what to say…
haha
But I have a lot of friends that love me.
& I love them so

]]> By: Azalea http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-369242 Azalea Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:09:11 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?p=1301#comment-369242 I have been looking for words to describe my situation for some time. For some reason, the first article that I have read by you in a while seems to adequately surmise it. I feel that my current circle has grown a little stale, and have begun hanging out in different places looking to meet and cross paths with new people. Have to say that the bit on common challenges really nails the issue on the head. While a few core things, such as intelligence or say, health, would be definite comforts in choosing a circle, I feel that having the opportunity to go through things together can bring people closer in two months faster than two decades of stagnation can. It's basically what I'm usually trying to say when I bring up the difference between army buddies and shopping buddies. Well played. I have been looking for words to describe my situation for some time. For some reason, the first article that I have read by you in a while seems to adequately surmise it. I feel that my current circle has grown a little stale, and have begun hanging out in different places looking to meet and cross paths with new people. Have to say that the bit on common challenges really nails the issue on the head. While a few core things, such as intelligence or say, health, would be definite comforts in choosing a circle, I feel that having the opportunity to go through things together can bring people closer in two months faster than two decades of stagnation can. It’s basically what I’m usually trying to say when I bring up the difference between army buddies and shopping buddies. Well played.

]]> By: Markus http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-369221 Markus Tue, 22 Dec 2009 12:03:39 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?p=1301#comment-369221 I agree with your post that it is not have similar goals and intrests that others have that counts, still I don't totally agree with that it is the situation that is the most important either. I have a good friend that I met in the same situation a couple of years back. We still share similar situation from time to time and usually hang out mostly at these times but the difference between my relationship with him is never effortless in the same way that I've experienced with other people. When I think of the relationships that I have enjoyed the most there has always been a sharing of humour or something. Some sort of rapport that just is there. So it seems to me that it is more important if one fit with the temperament of the person rather than with the situation or goals, even if the older I get the easier it is to have good relationship with the people that I don't click with. Markus I agree with your post that it is not have similar goals and intrests that others have that counts, still I don’t totally agree with that it is the situation that is the most important either.

I have a good friend that I met in the same situation a couple of years back. We still share similar situation from time to time and usually hang out mostly at these times but the difference between my relationship with him is never effortless in the same way that I’ve experienced with other people.

When I think of the relationships that I have enjoyed the most there has always been a sharing of humour or something. Some sort of rapport that just is there. So it seems to me that it is more important if one fit with the temperament of the person rather than with the situation or goals, even if the older I get the easier it is to have good relationship with the people that I don’t click with.

Markus

]]> By: Scott Young http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-369219 Scott Young Tue, 22 Dec 2009 11:40:02 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?p=1301#comment-369219 Dave, I agree: a mix is important. In this article though, I wanted to emphasize that great relationships don't *need* a common world-view. Richard, Why befriend people who don't like you? Mutual respect is a must, regardless of value conflicts. -Scott Dave,

I agree: a mix is important. In this article though, I wanted to emphasize that great relationships don’t *need* a common world-view.

Richard,

Why befriend people who don’t like you? Mutual respect is a must, regardless of value conflicts.

-Scott

]]> By: Richard Shelmerdine http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-369207 Richard Shelmerdine Tue, 22 Dec 2009 10:08:17 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?p=1301#comment-369207 I think the line has to be drawn at people who just dislike you for no reason and people who dislike aspects of your personality. One can't be changed and will drain your energy and the other will help you out. I think the line has to be drawn at people who just dislike you for no reason and people who dislike aspects of your personality. One can’t be changed and will drain your energy and the other will help you out.

]]> By: Maureen http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-369189 Maureen Tue, 22 Dec 2009 05:41:33 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?p=1301#comment-369189 Dave's comment has it covered, well written. I prefer a bit of both too but I appreciate Scott's point and it's one I can learn from: some people that are a lot different than ourselves can make great friends. Therefore, be open to meeting all types and, as Scott says, see what shared experiences you have. Dave’s comment has it covered, well written. I prefer a bit of both too but I appreciate Scott’s point and it’s one I can learn from: some people that are a lot different than ourselves can make great friends. Therefore, be open to meeting all types and, as Scott says, see what shared experiences you have.

]]> By: What kind of shopping cart software should I get for my online site? | Gotta Get Me http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2009/12/21/do-you-need-friends-that-think-like-you/comment-page-1/#comment-369182 What kind of shopping cart software should I get for my online site? | Gotta Get Me Tue, 22 Dec 2009 04:39:38 +0000 http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?p=1301#comment-369182 [...] Do You Need Friends That Think Like You? « Scott H Young [...] [...] Do You Need Friends That Think Like You? « Scott H Young [...]

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