Comments on: Will Reaching the Ideal Life Make You any Happier?

By: GVK

GVK — Mon, 31 May 2010 23:09:19 +0000

I think the main problem is not so much the difference in brain functions (although it plays its part), as the perception of the goal or a situation that would be created when we achieve it. I’ve found that in situations when I was disappointed with my goals, my initial perception of the goal or its benefits was different from reality. This was more frequent when I was younger and my views of the world were based on either idealized or outdated information about the state of things. The reality was usually different, not necessarily bad, just different. Things that mattered were different. Things that seemed important in the beginning were trivial and some factors that I didn’t consider at all, were very important. With experience, our ability to gauge certain situations (new job, studies, relationship), becomes better as we see certain things repeating themselves. We begin to generate stereotypes and use them in predicting the results of our goals. Sometimes we can use other people’s advice, but more often we can’t understand it until we experince the situation ourselves.

By: Alu

Alu — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 01:02:01 +0000

All this notes and the texts are talking about happiness and ideal life. I think that anxiety, fears and doubts about the best way to follow is natural for human mind and we have to pass through it invariably. We have our natural vocacion, the pressure of the society and the circumstances playing at the same time all the moments and creating false goals and doubtful ways. The main challenge is not find the correct answers to find what we really enjoy or want, this is an eternal pursuit. The real challenge in ideal life is to feel happy no matter you are going right or wrong (always there´ll be wrong steps). We cannot join happiness and pursuit for what we want or enjoy. They are at different levels.

By: AHA

AHA — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 22:31:07 +0000

Excellent points. I’d like to add to this that I think a lot of this has to do with a tangled mental model. Ie an imperfect/unrealistic representation of your want in your head. Even if you get exactly what you want it’s still not satisfactory since the neuro-linguistic model you have of something can’t possibly map perfectly onto reality. The solution here is to become a better cartographer, ie becoming more luminous as they say over at Less Wrong, and also using more and smaller success maps so that your entire satisfaction life doesn’t stand or fall with a vague mental sketch so to speak.

By: Nate Chastain

Nate Chastain — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 20:53:24 +0000

I think reaching your ideal life will make you as happy as you can possibly be, but only if you have the proper conception of what an ideal life is:

An ideal life is one in which you are spending as much of your time as possible the way you want to be spending it, and as little of your time as possible in ways you don’t want to be spending it. Often, people want to spend their time making progress on long-term goals. These goals don’t necessarily have to be project-related, they could also be things like “Be there for my children.”

As a time management consultant, this conception of an ideal life is often what I stress when prospective clients ask why I feel time management is important.

An ideal life is not…
A salary
A career
A retirement community

By: Jim Greenwood

Jim Greenwood — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 19:36:16 +0000

Hi Scott,
So much could be said about the vast content in your post. Thanks.
However, I’ll try to limit myself to a short comment.

Reaching your ideal life … a heady topic. I believe the only one who can develop your ideal life for you, IS YOU. You are your teacher. Life is practice, and your goal is to develop the authentic YOU.

A question to consider is when do would(s), should(s) and could(s) become want’s? (the difference between like and want fits in here).

Supporting your roles, relationships and history (both looking backward and forward) are ten Intertwined Area of Movement (IAMs). We all balance and define our lives on their paths.

Writing is an excellent tool (I think one of the best). Writing brings sense to things (thinking is non-sense). There are many forms of valuable personal writing. I use Moving Forward Writing (MFW) because it uses Personal Journey, Personal Script and Personal Lists to help in the movement forward.

I guess I’d like to add one more perspective. You can’t correct mistakes. You can forgive them and learn from them.

Whoa! Perhaps I’ve said too much for a short comment.
Anyway, thanks for the energy.
Have Fun,
Jim

By: Rondon

Rondon — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 11:22:05 +0000

One good example of what Scott described that happened to me is when I was trying to disinfect and cleaning up my family’s computer(s). I had more fun removing viruses and junk files, than using the actually _using_ the computers.

On a related note, I’m often tasked by my pals to find “free” online movies. My heart skips a beat looking googling for those sites, and when I found them and gave the links to my pals I’m done. Actually _watching_ the movies had no appeal to me.

By: Richard @ WpSplitTester

Richard @ WpSplitTester — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 08:50:36 +0000

I did an interesting exercise a few years ago where I was struggling to decide *what* I wanted – quite simply that I didn’t want what I had. It was a bit of a depressing time thinking “I’m not happy, but I don’t know what to do to *make* me happy”.

So I sat down with a pen and paper and carefully thought about the happiest times in my life. One was a vacation, for example. Another was my years at university.

Once I had a list of experiences that made me feel all “warm and fuzzy” and analyzed each in turn, asking myself *why* I was so happy at these points. I came up with whole pages of ideas and reasons. I was quite shocked about all the things that made me feel good!

Then I looked for common factors to see which were the most “happiness inducing” for me and put a plan into action that would enable me to achieve and experience these on a regular basis.

I’m not quite there yet but things are improving all the time as I am able to implement my plan so this is certainly a process worth considering for anyone else struggling to make a plan.

By: Nick

Nick — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 06:13:13 +0000

This is going to seem really trivial, but its the first example I thought of. I was dating a girl last year who made much more money than I did. She shopped at finer stores, wore better clothes, had a better place than me, the whole nine yards. I decided to shop at one of the stores she shopped at and bought some clothes. I usually love buying clothes- its one of my favorite things. But that day, as I was taking the bus back to my apartment, I felt so unfullfilled and used. I recognized right away that I was trying to change this piece of myself to become more like her/so she would like me more. I decided after I got home that the style of life I was trying to emulate wasnt me. And so, I’ve never been back to those stores.
Like I said, pretty trivial, but I think it makes sense.

By: Wendy Irene

Wendy Irene — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 23:22:58 +0000

I often try to think about the difference when making decisions. Sometimes it can be so hard. I wonder if a pro/con list would help? Other times you don’t realize until it is too late. Always trying to shift things towards what makes my family and myself the most happy is the way I like to roll. Depending on the situation it can be a slow process though, but one worth doing nonetheless. Have a great day!

By: paurullan

paurullan — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 15:22:14 +0000

I had never seen writing a journal as a chance to revise your path in order to understand the present. I will keep that in mind and maybe begin to write again.

On the main theme of the post I would say that I have felt it before even I had not fully understood the why. I remember ten years ago I wanted a radio-control fuel-powered car model. Although I learned a lot of mechanics those days (in order to understand how the car worked) after a couple of days of finally buying it I put it inside a closet and never took it out.

The first thing I did to «fix» it was to understand there was no misstep: the fun part is the journey and not the arrival. Saving the money, mounting and dismantling the model with my own hands and getting dirt with fuel was an adventure I would have never had; so no regrets and look for new challenges.

The real funny thing became later when I realized I wanted the model to put a camera on it and make a program that made the car go from the bathroom to the kitchen. So having a liking failure made me understand I enjoyed tinkering with computers. Take back the path up to the latest crossroad and try to think why you took that way.