Comments on: Mental Aikido: The Necessity of Unhappiness in the Ideal Life

By: Dave

Dave — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 03:32:52 +0000

I’ve returned to this article after 9 months because I, who seems to avoid unhappiness at all costs, have come to realize I probably suffer more from it. Having over-committed myself with a job related to my career, a second job doing research at my uni’s lab, writing lessons for a nearby school, and trying to stay on Dean’s list. I should have felt overwhelmed, but I refused to entertain the thought’s that would let myself be overwhelmed. I didn’t entertain the unpleasant thoughts that would cause me stress because they were…unpleasant. This has continued at a pace where I have had little time between waking and sleep, and resulted in my having to cram for one of the hardest exams I’ll have as an undergrad. But in all this time I’d never say I was stressed. My study partner knew I was toast, she wanted to comfort me, telling me that I shouldn’t worry about it. I replied that I was strangely at peace with it. I spent two hours wracking my brain in that exam; I have never worked so hard to fail a test. I should have left devastated, or angry or anything.

I now realize that I need to feel these “negative feelings” to drive me the right direction. I don’t particularly care about the grades, although it might affect my scholarship chances—it’s that I don’t actually know the material in a subject I care about that i’ll need in my career to help people. I want to transform some anger or disappointment into drive, to learn this material, and knock that next exam out of the park. But here I am “strangely at peace.”

So here I am to reread this article.

By: Jim Greenwood

Jim Greenwood — Sat, 29 May 2010 23:39:02 +0000

Hi Scott,
I was just doing some weekend catch up reading and went over your post. As always … very provocative. I like the reference to Aikido, it give the user a tool and power in any situation.

Let me add my two cents…
A powerful argument # 5: Life happens on a continuum. You can be at any end or in the middle. Moving toward happiness (or meaning, or purpose, or relationships, or…anything else in life) is great but sometimes there can be good and sometimes there can be bad. Good is better, but it is not always.

Expecting to be happy (or anything) all the time is also great (positive thinking and all that) but at the end of the day, month or year you will have to deal with the opposite…it’s just a place on the continuum.

The more you’re aware of the intertwined areas of life the more you can use them in support of making change in any area of life. You do have a level of control, not always, in all things, but there are steps anyone can take. Your aikido reference is a good small step in many instances…

Thanks for your thoughts.
Thanks for letting me contribute.
Hope you have a great weekend and have fun,
Jim

P.S. You know I define happiness as … appreciating what you have. Big or small, in the moment.

By: Why Choose Unhappiness?

Why Choose Unhappiness? — Fri, 28 May 2010 19:21:02 +0000

[...] reading Scott Young’s article on “Mental Aikido: The Necessity of Unhappiness in the Ideal Life“, it reminded me again that I have always been an unhappy person. In contradictory contrast, [...]

By: Scott Young

Scott Young — Fri, 28 May 2010 07:12:42 +0000

Jawaad,

I didn’t say they had discovered “genes for happiness” rather they have identified that happiness is influenced by genes. Very different issues.

-Scott

By: Jawaad Ahmad Khan

Jawaad Ahmad Khan — Thu, 27 May 2010 20:07:49 +0000

Hey Scott.
Just something that kind of caught my attention in the first point. You said they’re beginning to discover genes that actually determine internal happiness or unhappiness?

When I read that, it reminded me of a narration of Muhammad in which it talked about the conceiving of a person. (These are just my beliefs, just some food for thought for you). It says that at about 3 months while a woman is pregnant, the baby gains its soul, and determined for it are a few things, one of which is whether his life will be happy or sad (obviously, from this it can’t directly be derived about a completely happy or completely sad life, but it’s just something I thought about).

By: Dave

Dave — Wed, 26 May 2010 18:26:02 +0000

As an atheist I struggle with the idea of happiness not being the point. I only have so many years to experience life, so I want them to be enjoyable as possible. So unless the unhappiness is a “down payment” that’s worth it with a good happiness ROI, then it may not be worth my time.

That being said, I acknowledge that continuous joy is all but impossible.

By: tara

tara — Wed, 26 May 2010 16:07:30 +0000

One form the pursuit of happiness takes is wanting to be in love and having crushes on people who don’t notice us and then wasting time to fantasize about them or idealize them.The feeling of being in love is great,but it can be disastrous if you give up on your personal interests for the sake of it.

By: Megan Zuniga

Megan Zuniga — Wed, 26 May 2010 13:40:27 +0000

Interesting article. I agree that one cannot possibly be happy all the time and that negative emotions play an important part in a person’s life. It’s all part of growing up. Just look at artists, songwriters, poets, playwrights, they produce their masterpieces at the lowest point of their life.
Btw, that’s a pretty good approach to being unhappy.

By: Iván Pérez

Iván Pérez — Wed, 26 May 2010 13:27:01 +0000

If I had to sum up this post I would do it by saying: “intense emotions fuel whatever purpose you have, the choice is yours: constructive or destructive purpose”.

Really unconventional, I like it!

By: Wendy Irene

Wendy Irene — Tue, 25 May 2010 21:19:01 +0000

I mean there not their, caught it too late I know one of my strengths is NOT grammar, but that is OK…I’m embracing it!