{"id":10104,"date":"2019-07-05T10:00:54","date_gmt":"2019-07-05T18:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/?p=10104"},"modified":"2020-01-24T00:18:07","modified_gmt":"2020-01-24T08:18:07","slug":"worry-less-what-others-think","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/2019\/07\/05\/worry-less-what-others-think\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Worry Less What Other People Think Of You"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"344\" src=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/worry-about-others.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-10105\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/worry-about-others.png 600w, https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/worry-about-others-300x172.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>Human beings are social animals, and so it\u2019s by design that we\u2019re obsessed what other people think of us. Being ostracized was a death sentence in premodern times, so it wasn\u2019t an irrational fear.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, worrying what people think of you can be a huge obstacle to doing things. We live in a world with countless people. No matter what you do, some of those people won\u2019t approve. That feeling that somebody, somewhere, might be judging you can kill your motivation to work on important things.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s a few strategies I\u2019ve used to worry less about this:<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. People don\u2019t think about you much at all.<\/h3>\n<div class=\"inline-podcast\">\n<small>Listen to this article<\/small><br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"100%\" height=\"20\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" allow=\"autoplay\" src=\"https:\/\/w.soundcloud.com\/player\/?url=https%3A\/\/api.soundcloud.com\/tracks\/746977138&#038;color=%23219895&#038;inverse=false&#038;auto_play=false&#038;show_user=true\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"341\" src=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/people-think-about-themselves.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-10107\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/people-think-about-themselves.png 600w, https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/people-think-about-themselves-300x171.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>The first thing is to realize that, generally speaking, people aren\u2019t thinking about you at all. The content of your self-conscious worries are exaggerated, not because they\u2019re overly pessimistic but because they\u2019re overly narcissistic.<\/p>\n<p>People mostly think of themselves, including you, and that means their thoughts about others are shallow and infrequent.<\/p>\n<p>Once you realize this, it\u2019s actually kind of liberating. Even if you can\u2019t always convince yourself that people don\u2019t secretly despise you, it\u2019s easier to at least convince yourself that most people aren\u2019t thinking much about you at all. That means your mistakes, social gaffes and faux pas rarely stick out as much as you think.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. Trying not to be an asshole is most the battle.<\/h3>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"383\" src=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/what-you-think-vs-what-they-think.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-10106\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/what-you-think-vs-what-they-think.png 600w, https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/what-you-think-vs-what-they-think-300x192.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>I once had a conversation with a friend of mine, who is a clinical psychologist, and we both talked about our high need for achievement. She told me that she often feels the need to do things well, otherwise people might judge her incompetent and not like her as much as a result. This is a feeling I\u2019ve definitely struggled with.<\/p>\n<p>It took her some work to realize that most people don\u2019t really care how good you are at things. People like other people because they\u2019re nice and fun to be around, not because of their accomplishments.<\/p>\n<p>Being nice matters, and <em>trying<\/em> to be nice is most of being nice. Even if you occasionally say something you shouldn\u2019t and embarrass yourself, or if you\u2019re accidentally rude or insensitive, people who are trying to be nice can usually recover.<\/p>\n<p>The lesson? When people do think about you, the focus is usually on whether you\u2019re nice to be around. Everything else you think other people care about, whether those are your accomplishments, eccentricities, abilities or self-importance usually don\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. It\u2019s okay to keep things to yourself.<\/h3>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"400\" height=\"297\" src=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/hashtag-authentic.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-10108\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/hashtag-authentic.png 400w, https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/hashtag-authentic-300x223.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>I have a problem with authenticity. Countless YouTubers and Instagram influencers have created the impression that if you\u2019re not sharing every pimple and failure in your life that you\u2019re being fake.<\/p>\n<p>Privacy and secrecy are not evil things. If you have something you want to do, but aren\u2019t sure you\u2019re ready to share it with people yet, there\u2019s nothing wrong with keeping it to yourself.<\/p>\n<p>When I first started my blog, I was really interested in personal development, but none of my friends or family were. So, I mostly didn\u2019t tell them about my blog. I didn\u2019t publish on social networks or post live video feeds of what I was doing. I kept it to myself.<\/p>\n<p>At the time, I felt guilty. Like I was hiding or doing something inappropriate because I was worried what other people might think of me. Now, however, I think there\u2019s nothing wrong with keeping things to yourself. Don\u2019t let people guilt you into thinking you need to share everything or else you\u2019re a phony. Often it\u2019s the people who share \u201ceverything\u201d that are the real fakers.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. Care what YOU think a lot more.<\/h3>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"400\" height=\"310\" src=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/mirror-you.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-10109\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/mirror-you.png 400w, https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/mirror-you-300x233.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>Worries are often roughly in an equilibrium in your mind. Meaning that if you add more worries, it tends to make other worries quieter. Similarly, if other worries get quiet, it makes new ones pop up in their place.<\/p>\n<p>The best example of this is anyone who has ever gone through a health crisis, either themselves or with loved ones. Suddenly the problems that seemed so pressing and anxiety-inducing disappear as this new, bigger problem fills your entire consciousness.<\/p>\n<p>You can use this to your advantage by esteeming your own self-opinion of your projects, decisions and goals a lot higher than you do others\u2019 opinions. An overly harsh self-critique can itself become a problem, but I\u2019d much rather live worrying that I didn\u2019t like my own work than rush around trying to please all the imaginary outsiders\u2019 opinions.<\/p>\n<p>Really ask what you think, and care about the answer more than what others\u2019 think.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">5. Acknowledge the worries and get on with life anyways.<\/h3>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"400\" height=\"366\" src=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/push-through-anxiety.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-10110\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/push-through-anxiety.png 400w, https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/push-through-anxiety-300x275.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>To a certain extent, you may be unable to control how much you worry or obsess over what other people think of you. You may know it\u2019s totally irrational, and yet still find it clouds your thoughts.<\/p>\n<p>The way to deal with this is the way of dealing with all things you cannot control fully. Acknowledge that you worry about it, but don\u2019t beat yourself up about it and then get on with your life. <\/p>\n<p>When I was <a href=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/ultralearning\/\">writing my book<\/a>, I would run through thoughts repeatedly of what I imagined people might think of the book. Unsurprisingly, they were often the harshest, most critical voices I could imagine. I told myself that I was being irrational, but that wasn\u2019t enough. The obsessive thoughts continued along, merrily ignoring my suggestion to stop.<\/p>\n<p>This was uncomfortable, but I accepted it, and with that acceptance, also realized that I had to work on my book regardless. This can feel like it\u2019s slowing you down, but it\u2019s still much better than trying to argue why your worries make sense, or worse, make yourself feel guilty for worrying (and now you\u2019re worried about worrying and the loop intensifies).<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s okay to worry about what other people think of you, even though you know you shouldn\u2019t. It\u2019s okay because you don\u2019t have total control and never did. But if you still find yourself worrying, being okay about the worrying is the first step to keep those worries from consuming you whole.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Human beings are social animals, and so it\u2019s by design that we\u2019re obsessed what other people think of us. Being ostracized was a death sentence in premodern times, so it wasn\u2019t an irrational fear. Yet, worrying what people think of you can be a huge obstacle to doing things. We live in a world with [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-10104","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-personal-development","7":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to Worry Less What Other People Think Of You - Scott H Young<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We are hardwired to care what others think. But sometimes that natural urge can leave us miserable. Here are five strategies to worry less and be happier.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/2019\/07\/05\/worry-less-what-others-think\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Worry Less What Other People Think Of You - Scott H Young\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We are hardwired to care what others think. But sometimes that natural urge can leave us miserable. 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