{"id":10297,"date":"2019-07-24T10:00:30","date_gmt":"2019-07-24T18:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/?p=10297"},"modified":"2019-07-23T09:19:55","modified_gmt":"2019-07-23T17:19:55","slug":"introvert-confidence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/2019\/07\/24\/introvert-confidence\/","title":{"rendered":"An Introvert’s Guide To Building Confidence (In 4 Not-So-Easy Steps)"},"content":{"rendered":"
Confidence in social situations is hard to build when you\u2019re an introvert. How do you feel confident when socializing doesn\u2019t come naturally to you? Here are some tips:<\/p>\n
1. Join Toastmasters<\/h2>\n
Public speaking and having conversations are different things. However, a lot of the same skills exist in both. Knowing how to tell stories. Knowing how to listen. Knowing how to overcome your verbal tics, awkward pauses and rambling stories.<\/p>\n
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Toastmasters is a good place to build on some of these skills. Additionally, unlike most social environments, it\u2019s incredible congratulatory. Most Toastmaster clubs I\u2019ve attended are enthusiastic, even if you\u2019re nervous and lacking confidence, so starting there can be a good step to build confidence.<\/p>\n
2. Don\u2019t try to be an extrovert<\/h2>\n
A mistake I made in my early days was to assume that people wouldn\u2019t like me if I was an introvert. I had to be more social, extroverted and willing to talk to strangers, otherwise I\u2019d never have great friends or relationships.<\/p>\n
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However, it\u2019s perfectly fine to be quiet and reserved. It\u2019s also perfectly fine to not want to get drunk at parties or socialize every night. Recognize that the goal is to be the best version of yourself, not a different person.<\/p>\n
3. Learn to listen more than speak<\/h2>\n
Another mistake I used to make was thinking that social skills was about saying the right things. That charismatic people were those who had the right response to any situation, they were witty and charming while others fumbled with their words.<\/p>\n
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In truth, listening is a much more important social skill than talking. The first reason this is true is that most people care mostly about themselves. Being a good listener already improves your social desirability because you give people what they want\u2014someone who is interested in them. The second reason listening matters is because it forces you to pay attention to social cues. Most of being good socializing is about being sensitive to the context so you\u2019ll know what you can say.<\/p>\n
4. Pick interesting things first, socialize second<\/h2>\n
When I first moved to Vancouver, Canada, almost eight years ago, I knew nobody. As a result, I went to Meetup.com and went to a bunch of meetups to try to make friends. This actually worked, a few of those people I met I\u2019m still friends with today.<\/p>\n
\n<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n
However, I think a mistake can be to try to socialize from the perspective of meeting people itself. This has two drawbacks. First, it doesn\u2019t give you anything in common with the other person. If you meet someone at a bar, your only overlap is that you both like going to bars. Second, these events can have a \u201clemon\u201d problem, where people who are normal make friends and leave these groups, leaving behind the people who are the most unpleasant.<\/p>\n
A better solution is to pick socializing events that are pre-selected for a particular interest. If you\u2019re going to go to a meetup, it ought to be one that you go to because you\u2019re interested in what they do\u2014whether that\u2019s photography, French or baking.<\/p>\n
Developing confidence in social situations takes time and practice, but if you put in the effort you can make it work.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Confidence in social situations is hard to build when you\u2019re an introvert. How do you feel confident when socializing doesn\u2019t come naturally to you? Here are some tips: 1. Join Toastmasters Public speaking and having conversations are different things. However, a lot of the same skills exist in both. Knowing how to tell stories. Knowing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[681,15],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-10297","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-nc-mindset","7":"category-communication","8":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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