I\u2019ve often heard the titular expression in conversations about professional success. Uttered with a sneer, it seems to point at the unfairness of life and the hopelessness of the masses of people without good connections.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s also an expression that is mostly true. Talent and effort matter, of course, but the gears of the machine are greased with favoritism. No discussion of career success can omit the importance of the people you know.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t see this situation as being necessarily pessimistic. I want to argue two things:<\/p>\n
Saying that, \u201cit\u2019s all who you know,\u201d smacks of injustice. After all, what possible relevance could who you went to school with, or whether you play golf, have on your ability to do your job?<\/p>\n
I have friends, usually the intellectually-powerful-yet-somewhat-introverted engineer and programmer types, who find the idea that relationships might matter more than talent as insulting. Either they reject outright the importance of having a network, or they view it as a distasteful reality.<\/p>\n
This is nonsense. Relationships matter because they impact performance. Since they impact performance, it\u2019s not unfair that some opportunity would flow through them.<\/p>\n
When I\u2019m hiring people to do work for me, my first place to ask is my friends to see if they have worked with anyone before. I\u2019m often willing to pay more for these people than I would for someone I hire through job postings. To the prospective freelancer I\u2019ll employ, this sounds unfair. After all, shouldn\u2019t the job go to the person who is most qualified for the given price?<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve learned that technical proficiency is only a small part of what makes a good candidate. Being trustworthy, timely and easy to communicate with are often more important, yet these are features difficult to ascertain from a portfolio. Sterile recommendations from past employers I\u2019ve never met before say almost nothing.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m willing to pay more for contractors that come recommended, because they do the job better. It\u2019s not nepotism, it\u2019s basic economics.<\/p>\n
The same is true of business connections. I have a no-guest-post policy for this website, yet I\u2019ve had people guest<\/a> post<\/a> here<\/a> and probably will continue to do so for the future. The catch? I only let people write here if I read them and respect the work they\u2019ve done prior to writing here. It may seem unfair, but it has meant each of my guest posts have done incredibly well for exposure and traffic, benefiting both me and the author.<\/p>\n A big way I would find out about someone is if they were in my network. As a result, my friends end up writing guest posts and I say no to strangers. They need to be interesting writers, certainly, but if they weren\u2019t good at networking, I probably wouldn\u2019t know them.<\/p>\n I can\u2019t say whether the amount relationships matter is ideal. Maybe myself and others care about them too much, and as a result, create unfairness. All I would like to imply is that there is a just rationale for the titular expression, even if it may not be optimal.<\/p>\n I grew up in a small town, isolated from any possible useful connections or mentors. I\u2019d also say I\u2019m definitely not a born networker. While some people have a disposition towards easily making new contacts, it is definitely a skill I\u2019ve had to train.<\/p>\n That said, I believe networking is a skill that can be learned. It\u2019s not just having an extroverted personality or natural charm. Some of the best networkers I know are actually somewhat introverted.<\/p>\n Networking also doesn\u2019t need to be sleazy. The people I know with huge networks are the complete opposite of that. If you feel sleazy, it means you\u2019re doing it wrong.<\/p>\n As someone who isn\u2019t at all a natural connector, I\u2019ve found focusing on three core traits have helped me the most:<\/p>\n People want to meet people of high value. If Barack Obama asked you to lunch, would you say no? Of course not. Obama is high value and even meeting with him over lunch could have tremendous benefit.<\/p>\n The desire to meet and befriend high-value people is an innate one. It\u2019s why people want their photos taken with celebrities or have their autographs. It isn\u2019t just a calculating maneuver, but a genuine urge to associate with people perceived to be higher value than oneself.<\/p>\n Therefore, the biggest step you can take to improve your networking ability is to be higher value. There\u2019s a few broad strategies I\u2019ve seen be successful for increasing your value in a networking context:<\/p>\n A big turning point in my own networking was to stop trying to network with people who could help me, and focus on people I could help. I\u2019m much more likely to reach out to someone if I feel I can help them as much as they could help me.<\/p>\n Everyone wants to network with people who can easily help them. I\u2019ve found it much better to focus on who I can help first. As a result, I contact a lot more bloggers who have really great writing, but are still new, than I try to befriend already-famous authors.<\/p>\n Being generous is also about anticipating what others might need. Whenever I get an email with, \u201cLet me know if there\u2019s any way I can help!\u201d I usually ignore it. Why? Because I have no idea how that person can help, I barely know them.<\/p>\n When I reach out to someone, I try to research them carefully to figure out how I might be able to help them, and read for clues in our initial conversation. Maybe they can use advice, website traffic or would benefit from connecting with another friend of mine?<\/p>\n Generosity isn\u2019t a last step, it\u2019s an attitude you need to have at all parts of the process. The best networkers I know are relentlessly focused on helping their friends do well before themselves.<\/p>\n The final step is to be eager and willing to meet new people. If you wait at home on Friday nights hoping for the phone to ring, you\u2019re not going to get a lot of dates. The same is true with building connections.<\/p>\n Because I started my business in such an isolated place, I grew up on networking via the internet. With Skype and video calls, this isn\u2019t a terrible way to get to know people, especially since it drastically broadens who you can contact.<\/p>\n But even if internet contacts can still be valuable, there is still a lot of value in meeting people face-to-face. I strive to travel regularly to meet people I\u2019ve met online, and I try to take any opportunity I can to meet other interesting people in-person.<\/p>\n Being gregarious is most useful when you don\u2019t currently need a favor. Too many people go into networking mode at conferences or social gatherings only when they need something. This contradicts the spirit of generosity and results in spurned connections, even if it works occasionally.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve hesitated writing about this topic recently, not because I do poorly, but because I\u2019ve had the chance to meet people who are spectacular. I\u2019ve changed my mind because I realize that this is part of the problem: many spectacular networkers are naturally good at it, so regular people feel it\u2019s not a skill that can be learned.<\/p>\n The fact that it is, indeed, who you know for many opportunities, doesn\u2019t need to be an obstacle. Getting to know people is definitely a skill that can be learned. Because it depends on being a better person, it\u2019s a good skill to learn, not just a distasteful necessity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve often heard the titular expression in conversations about professional success. Uttered with a sneer, it seems to point at the unfairness of life and the hopelessness of the masses of people without good connections. It\u2019s also an expression that is mostly true. Talent and effort matter, of course, but the gears of the machine […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[683,12],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-2737","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-nc-career","7":"category-discipline","8":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nIf It\u2019s Who You Know, What Should You Do?<\/h2>\n
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#1 \u2013 Be High Value<\/h3>\n
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#2 \u2013 Be Generous<\/h3>\n
#3 \u2013 Be Gregarious<\/h3>\n
An Introvert\u2019s Guide to Networking<\/h2>\n