I recently had a chance to sit down with a friend who has been doing incredible things with his career and business. He offered to sit me down, walk through my current operations and help me figure out a strategy to take things to the next level.<\/p>\n
We ended up talking for a little over an hour, and the chat ended with a concrete plan for the next twelve months to redefine my strategy and mindset. It\u2019s hard to say the impact this conversation will have, but I\u2019m optimistic\u2014the last time I had a serious chat with this person, it led to creating Learning on Steroids<\/a>, which ended up saving my business and allowing me to go full-time as a writer.<\/p>\n This person is incredibly busy and charges a lot for his time. Most people I know would have killed to get this kind of personalized advice, yet they probably won\u2019t get it.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve been lucky. This person has mentored me in key aspects of my business, but I\u2019ve had dozens of other mentors who have all given me incredible advice. These people are world-class in the advice they imparted. If I were paying for it, I would probably need to pay thousands of dollars per hour. Instead, I\u2019m getting the advice for free.<\/p>\n Mentorship is incredibly important and it can shave years off your learning curve. While I\u2019m a big fan of self-education, most knowledge isn\u2019t accessible in books or schools. Instead it\u2019s held tacitly by people with experience. This is as true of business as it is of science, art or sports. It\u2019s just really difficult to write a lot of knowledge down.<\/p>\n Unfortunately mentorship is a lot less accessible than reading books or going to school. Books and schooling isn\u2019t always free, but at the very most they just require payment. Most mentors won\u2019t even work for money, so they have to like you and want to see you succeed in order to invest time in you.<\/p>\n I get dozens of emails a day from people who want me to give them advice. Unfortunately, I can\u2019t usually spend more than 10-15 seconds per person, sometimes less. Giving advice doesn\u2019t just take up time, it can be emotionally draining\u2014especially when the recipient is anonymous and doesn\u2019t reply back.<\/p>\n Does that mean I dislike mentoring? Not at all. I like helping people succeed, whether it\u2019s starting a blog or learning something new. Getting to see someone apply your advice and grow is an incredible experience. I don\u2019t need to privately benefit from the relationship to enjoy it. Just helping someone is intrinsically rewarding.<\/p>\n I think this is a point a lot of people mix up. Most potential mentors aren\u2019t looking for mentees, and they\u2019re active screening out most people who want their time and energy. But, that doesn\u2019t mean you need to offer something transactionally beneficial to them to get their time. I\u2019m not looking for mentees who will do cheap work for me, and none of my mentors are people I\u2019ve had some kind of explicit quid pro quo<\/em> arrangement in order to get their advice.<\/p>\n By all means, if you have something valuable to offer a potential mentor\u2014do it. If you\u2019re a world-class artist, and want to help them design something, go for it. If you\u2019re a fantastic programmer, and can build them a quick widget, make it. But it\u2019s misleading to say that this kind of transactional relationship is anything more than a foot in the door. The real benefit to mentors is getting to see you grow.<\/p>\n There are three main things people screw up when looking for mentors:<\/p>\n Each of these things is a killer. If you can fix them, you\u2019ll find it much easier to get potential mentors, even if you don\u2019t have some obscure talent that can allow you to benefit them directly.<\/p>\n Mentor\/mentee relationships come in a lot of types. I have people who I talk to almost every week, sometimes for hours at a time. Other people I have brief email discussions with every couple years. There is no default template.<\/p>\n When you start reaching out to someone you see as a potential mentor, you need to be extremely considerate of their time. The default reaction will be to ignore you or brush you off, so having expectations of weekly coaching calls is unrealistic and impolite.<\/p>\n What I feel most mentors are looking for is a high action-to-advice ratio. Meaning, that you actually go out and follow-up with their advice at a rate highly favorable to the amount of time they gave you.<\/p>\n If you asked me for advice on self-studying computer science, I gave a one-sentence reply, pointing you to my article here on which courses of the MIT Challenge to take<\/a>, and you actually went out and did them, I\u2019d be far more willing to get on Skype with you for a short time to suggest a next step.<\/p>\n If you asked me what\u2019s the best way to build a popular blog, and I told you to write your first 100 articles, you did it and got back to me, I\u2019m going to be curious and want to follow up.<\/p>\n The mentor who I mentioned in the opening gave me an hour of advice which will probably result in a few hundred hours of work for myself. I know this, because an earlier twenty minute chat resulted in a similar level of effort. That kind of follow-up makes him want to give me more of his time, because he knows that a small amount of his time will result in a large action from me.<\/p>\n Contrast this to most requests for advice. People wanting advice on how to study for an exam, even though they haven\u2019t bothered to look at any of my<\/a> other<\/a> articles<\/a> or books on the topic<\/a>. People who want to know how to start a blog, but haven\u2019t even read the first hits that would come up in a Google search. These people are draining, and will never get high-quality mentors.<\/p>\n Side note:<\/strong> Saying you respect someone\u2019s time and energy and actually respecting it, are not the same thing. Just because you preface a monstrous, autobiographical email with an ambiguous request for advice with the phrase that, \u201cI respect how busy you must be,\u201d doesn\u2019t make it so.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n This one is harsh, but true. Mentors like mentees who are go-getters, make things happen and get results. They dislike people who complain a lot, require hand-holding and can\u2019t take action.<\/p>\n Being a winner isn\u2019t simply a matter of being smart, or never making mistakes or even having an enormous track-record for success (although those help). It\u2019s about taking responsibility for your own goals and not being dependent on anyone, mentors included, to take decisive action.<\/p>\n Part of the reason a mentor will offer advice is because of your ambition and potential. Even if you\u2019re not in a position to help them now, they\u2019ll recognize that you may one day outpace them and can be in a position to help. I\u2019ve always been most eager to coach the people that probably would have succeeded without my help.<\/p>\n This isn\u2019t fair. The people who need mentorship the most, in this instance, are probably least likely to get it. The bright students get doted on by the teacher, instead of those who need help.<\/p>\n But once you recognize this fact, you can use it to your advantage. Always position yourself as someone who is both very humbled to be receiving advice, but tenacious and aggressive in implementing it. Even if you don\u2019t have a track record to prove to people your abilities, you can still take whatever small pieces of advice mentors toss your way and implement them.<\/p>\n I remember when Cal Newport and I ran the first pilot for our deliberate practice course<\/a>. We told people to find someone they respected, in their career, and attempt to interview them to extract some of their thinking on how to improve their skill.<\/p>\nMentors Matter Because Most Knowledge is Hard to Write Down<\/h2>\n
Why Mentors are Hard to Get<\/h2>\n
What People Screw Up, When Looking for Mentors<\/h2>\n
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1) Asking for Too Much Time and Energy<\/h3>\n
2) Being a Loser, Instead of a Winner<\/h3>\n
3) Looking for Status Connections, Not Actual Advice<\/h3>\n