{"id":855,"date":"2008-10-20T11:56:27","date_gmt":"2008-10-20T18:56:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/2008\/10\/20\/how-to-develop-a-thicker-skin\/"},"modified":"2018-04-04T02:58:55","modified_gmt":"2018-04-04T09:58:55","slug":"how-to-develop-a-thicker-skin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/2008\/10\/20\/how-to-develop-a-thicker-skin\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Develop a Thicker Skin"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"ThickSkin.png\"<\/a><\/p>\n

“I wrote for twelve years and collected 250 rejection slips before getting any fiction published, so I guess outside reinforcement isn’t all that important to me.<\/em>“\u00c2\u00a0 – Lisa Alther<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Talent is helpful in writing, but guts are absolutely essential.<\/em>” – Jessamyn West<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Oh, great reviews are the worst. They mislead you more than the bad ones, because they only fuel your ego. Then you only want another one, like potato chips or something, and the best thing you get is fat and bloated. I’d rather just refuse, thanks.<\/em>” – Chazz Palminteri<\/strong><\/p>\n

I think it\u2019s crucial in life to have a thick skin.\u00c2\u00a0 Doing just about anything important means you need to shovel through a lot of garbage, criticism and abuse.\u00c2\u00a0 You can\u2019t disregard negative feedback and live in your own fairytale world, but at the same time, you can\u2019t let the comments of other people derail you from your goals.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the hard part about having a thick skin.\u00c2\u00a0 If it just meant ignoring negative comments, having a thick skin would just be a matter of training.\u00c2\u00a0 But it\u2019s not.\u00c2\u00a0 You need the critics, because criticism can help you make improvements.<\/p>\n

A thick skin is difficult because you need to manage both.\u00c2\u00a0 You need to be able to absorb and act on sometimes unfair criticism, while staying motivated.\u00c2\u00a0 The people with the thickest skins aren\u2019t insensitive jerks.\u00c2\u00a0 These are the people who are able to take downright abusive comments, pick apart the pieces to make themselves better, and still be able to wake up with energy in the morning.<\/p>\n

Why Have a Thick Skin?<\/h2>\n

I\u2019ve heard a few comments on the forums defending over-sensitivity.\u00c2\u00a0 If you feel you\u2019re oversensitive, that\u2019s nothing to be ashamed of.\u00c2\u00a0 Many people are, and many people who handle criticism poorly have still done great things.\u00c2\u00a0 However, the thicker you can make your skin, the more you can persist when times are tough.<\/p>\n

Occasionally, when I\u2019ve started a goal, I\u2019ve kept much of the progress to myself.\u00c2\u00a0 While some of this is for modesty, part of it is also to reduce criticism.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u2019d rather avoid the attacks of other people that threaten my motivation.<\/p>\n

This is a pretty common strategy for setting goals, and a fairly successful one.\u00c2\u00a0 Tim Ferriss mentioned to his assistants that he only wanted to hear the positive reviews of his book, The 4-Hour Workweek.\u00c2\u00a0 He didn\u2019t have the time to spend worrying about the negative ones.<\/p>\n

I think many people can relate to this process, but it has a hidden downside.\u00c2\u00a0 The more you try to shield yourself from negative information, the more distorted your reality becomes.\u00c2\u00a0 Ideally, if your skin\u2019s thick enough, you should be like Palminteri, embracing the negative reviews because they keep you real.<\/p>\n

Having a thicker skin means you can get the best picture of the world, even when the messenger of that truth conceals it in an insult, ad hominem attack or abuse.<\/p>\n

How to Develop a Thicker Skin<\/h2>\n

I don\u2019t have the world\u2019s thickest skin, but I\u2019ve gotten a lot better.\u00c2\u00a0 Although I love interacting with readers on this website, an open comment box and email form is practically an invitation for all sorts of anonymous abuse.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u2019ve been lucky that the good comments greatly outweigh the bad.<\/p>\n

I feel the best way to get a thicker skin is to learn to separate the feedback.\u00c2\u00a0 Filter it so you know how to handle it.\u00c2\u00a0 If you handle insults the same way you handle genuine criticism, it\u2019s easy to get depressed.\u00c2\u00a0 However, if you disregard every piece of feedback that doesn\u2019t come with a smile, you\u2019re missing out on a lot of growth opportunities.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d say criticism tends to come in a few major forms:<\/p>\n