Every month or two I’ll get an email that goes something like this:
“Hey Scott! I’ve been following your blog for awhile, and I want to make big changes in my life, but I have no idea where to start. I don’t know what my life purpose is, so I just end up procrastinating all day.”
The person wants to change their life, but they see no goal for it. No goal means no direction or starting point. Hence the hours spent wallowing in procrastination.
To this, I’d like to share a secret: I have no idea what my life purpose should be, and I don’t think that matters.
The Cult of a Calling
I’m using the words “life purpose” but I could have just as easily used the words “passion”, “calling”, “mission statement” or any of the other dozens of self-help buzzwords floating around these days.
If you know your life’s calling with a deep conviction, great for you. But for the rest of us who don’t, I’m not sure it really matters.
Answering that question too soon can be worse, since it prematurely narrows your perspective. I’d rather enjoy the uncertainty and have broader experiences than answer early and miss opportunities.
But, given all the supposed benefits of having a life purpose, how can you wait in uncertainty? Won’t you just be like the readers who have sent me emails, frittering away time until clarity strikes them?
Let’s look at why people say knowing your life purpose is essential, and I’ll share why I disagree:
Reason One: No Life Purpose = No Motivation
Given the reader email I received, this one seems to make sense. People with clear mission statements, whether it’s conscious living or embracing nonconformity, seem highly motivated.
The mistake here is assuming you need to know the destination to motivate yourself. I have no idea where I’m going to live, who I’m going to be and the projects I’m going to work on in five years. That’s okay, I’m still motivated to work on the smaller projects of improving myself today.
Smaller goals may lack the grandeur of a life calling, but it can still be inspiring. In some ways, small steps can be more motivating, because you see the results now instead of in decades.
Reason Two: Without Seeing the Big Picture, You Can’t Accomplish Big Things
The assumption is that without knowing the big picture, you won’t achieve anything big. You may stay motivated on small tasks, but they will be uncoordinated. The bigger accomplishments, therefore, can only be made by people with grand visions.
Unfortunately there’s not a lot of evidence to back up this assumption. Yes, people who achieved big things often had big plans. But how many people do you know who always have some grand scheme, and never get anything done?
There are plenty of counterexamples of the opposite trend. People who took on interesting pursuits, built skill and connections, and eventually made large accomplishments when opportunity knocked.
Ben Casnocha founder of a successful start-up at 15, claims to never have had such an epiphany moment and credits much of his path to, by chance, enrolling in a computer class. Hard work and drive, yes, but no mission statement for life.
There is a class of machine learning algorithms that are designed to discover a precise value, without knowing what that will be in advance. I think a successful life is lived in much the same way. Not knowing the precise value (which is often impossible), but in devising the philosophy that can discover it along the way.
Reason Three: A Mission Keeps You Focused
The logic goes that without a mission in life, you’ll be unfocused. Having a focus in life is essential, but I disagree with the conventional wisdom about how people actually develop one.
As you improve, you’ll have a greater impact with that skill in money, reputation, and enjoyment. As your skill increases, it becomes more and more advantageous to put effort into improving that skill, relative to other pursuits. This creates a feedback cycle which inevitably focuses your life down to a particular set of skills which you’re the most passionate about and produce the biggest impact.
That positive feedback cycle of skill and reward is natural, and may eventually lead to you “discovering” your life purpose. The problem is you can’t predict exactly where that cycle will go in advance. Trying to prematurely predict your calling in life may derail the more natural process of building that calling.
Having a focus in the short term (say a project, starting a blog or practicing a skill) is good. It’s good to be incredibly enthusiastic about that pursuit. But while focus is essential in the short term, I think it’s equally important to be open in the long term, so you can see where the process takes you.
Reason Four: Knowing Your Mission Helps You Persist in Doubt
If you knew with 100% certainty you were meant to be a doctor, you might not give up after failing your MCAT exam the second time. Here the argument is that life is full of moments of doubt, and without some kind of anchor, it’s easy to give up.
I agree that some kind of anchor is important. Feeling lousy about a rejection, failed project or seemingly endless plateau of mediocrity isn’t just a rational assessment of the facts. It feels terrible and the initial instinct is to cut our losses and avoid the pain. Even when we know that will only make things worse.
But anchoring to a specific calling can be just as problematic as not having an anchor at all. Perhaps you really aren’t cut out to be a doctor, even though you’d make an excellent researcher. Having too much conviction in one outcome may force you to persevere, but it also cuts off any other options—including those that might be better for you.
Instead, I’d rather anchor myself to a more general calling. Not the specific pursuit, but the general aim of a better life and the grit needed to keep persisting through it’s many ups and downs. To lose a race or two, but never stop running forward.
Reason Five: Life Without a Calling is Dull and Meaningless
I can’t speak to the subjective feelings of knowing your life purpose with a conviction. Maybe all the near-orgasmic feel-goodness of following your life’s calling is everything the pundits say it is.
What I can argue is that, even if you don’t know where your life is going specifically, you can still enjoy the hell out of the ride.
Just because I don’t know what kind of life I’ll lead in 5-10 years, doesn’t mean I can’t make a difference now. It’s easy to obsess over the big picture and forget all the little victories along the way. From the personal victories to finishing a project, to the more altruistic of finding out something you’ve done has helped one other person.
Even if you don’t know exactly how you’re life will turn out, you have the little victories along the way. It’s those little victories that can add up to something bigger than you could have ever imagined when you first started.
Image thanks to prakhar
I'm a recent university graduate, writer, programmer, traveler and avid reader of interesting things. For the last six years I've been experimenting to find out how to get more from life.
Thank you so much for this timely post. I have spent much of the last few weeks wondering about my purpose in life (after 2 years of significant turmoil and stress). I have no ‘big picture’ yet but I have a very vague idea of what I want to do.
Having followed conventional routes for the last 20 years of my life and career I’ve felt ‘lost’ without a purpose or direct route mapped out in front of me. However, what I realised only yesterday is that maybe, if I just let it happen, it will happen, in its own time, when it’s right for it to happen.
This post couldn’t be more timely for me.
Many thanks
Deborah
My life purpose is the same as Eben Pagan’s: evolution. To constantly grow and improve in order to get to the next level. My buddy created a slogan for me to summarize my core values: “Creation, Inspiration, Perfection”. To create great works, to inspire others and myself, and to strive for excellence. I like that a lot too.
But I agree that life purposes are overrated (they should not be underrated either though). Much better to focus on positive randomness, comfort zone busting, deliberate practice, creative long-term projects, refinement of core values and character traits, connecting with interesting people, and investing heavily in metaskills (such as learning to learn).
Btw I am thinking of starting a personal development blog similar to yours, to give me a different outlet than the magazine. What are some topics that you feel are under-exploited in our particular blog ecosystem? LessWrong type stuff maybe? Neuroscience? Augmented reality? I do have a ton of article ideas myself, just wanted to see if you had some good ones to share too
Great Post Scott, You couldn’t have posted at a better time for me. For a while now, I’ve been sort of just… feeling down about not having a life purpose, like a future I must go after 100% of my time. Guilt was the only motivation I had to do things, and that itself didn’t last long in any activities. But your line
“I’d rather enjoy the uncertainty and have broader experiences than answer early and miss opportunities.”
got me out of that bad feeling. A thought came up. I remembered my goal in life was that I wanted to help people. I thought I had to do that by “surviving” college, get a job and making money, then help(give money to others in need). But I overlooked the small victories I already had… the people and things I’ve done… and also saw how if I didn’t focus so much on my goal, I could have helped even more. In this way, I am sort of achieving it but just going about in a different way that I thought… hm… interesting…
Not sure if this follows your topic completely, but just wanted to say thanks. I feel much more relaxed about my “life purpose” whether I have one or not, whether I’m achieving it or not.
A.H.A,
It doesn’t matter as much what you “decide” in advance. Better to just start writing and use the feedback as a way of guiding yourself to an interesting topic. My #1 rule of blogging is “write what you want to read”, no more.
Excellent post. I’ve found that life happens when you’re least expecting it. A lot of people I know who are “successful” have often started ventures with very little in mind. As one of my friends said, “If I thought about it too much, I probably wouldn’t have done it.”
OK, that’s good advice actually.
I have never commented but I feel like I have never seen a post that pertained so much to me. I am a young teenager, and through my oppurtunities and experiences, teach courses in Leadership to young adults and other teenagers. One session I teach is called Finding Your Vision. I have had it drilled into my head, and put into practice the importance of having a vision in life, or better put, “If you can see it, you can be it!”.
I haven’t had ever done more motivating in my life that this. If you know what you want to do, I feel like this post is not worthwhile, but if you have something you want to do in life, like go on a grand trip, accomplish something academically, learn a new language, turn your life around, and you can accommodate all these in a mission statement. Having a vision is NO DOUBT seriously important. I have seen far too many people come through the leadership training course failing to understand the connection between having a personal vision and having success.
It is good advice that even if purpose of whole life can be unknown, it still meaningful for those little victories along the way.
it much better than do nothing before discovered the purpose, which may never be discovered at all.
There’s a great example of this in The Neverending Story (the book, not the movie).
The boy comes into Fantasia, and receives an amulet that will fulfill all his wishes in that magic land. And suddenly he’s completely stumped, because he has no idea what to wish for – he feels overwhelmed by the responsibility, since his wishes are supposed to somehow save the fantasy land.
So the Childlike Empress tells him (I’m paraphrasing): “Just follow your wishes, one after another. They will eventually lead you down the right path.”
I think that’s a great principle for real life as well
Scott, thoughts on the start up phase of a blog? My plan is to bang out 10-20 articles to seed my blog with, and then to start writing guest posts for people I’ve befriended previously. Is this a sound plan?
Excellent post – I think the best you’ve ever written. I love how you debunk the myths associated with finding one true “life purpose”. It can be as addictive as Starbucks to try and find your “calling” and so frustrating when you don’t know what that is.
I have been trapped like that for years and only recently have I given up trying to find that one thing I am supposed to do and just work on smaller goals as you’ve mentioned. I am already incorporating some of your advice in my life but it was a great read to see it articulated so well!
Watching my daughter has informed me. At 16 mths she doesn’t have an agenda or her days other than LEARN and I’ve learned so much from watching her take in the world without all the preconceived notions and self-defeating thoughts.
A great discussion -thanks! I wish I was as wise as you at your age
Stacey
A.H.A,
Yeah that sounds like a good start. The most important thing to remember is that establishing yourself takes time. Less for some than for others, but in most cases it takes upwards of a year to really give yourself a reputation if you don’t already have an online presence. The #1 reason blogs fail is because the author gives up before they reach that point.
Whoa–honestly, perfect timing!
I’ve just been stressing out about whether I should be more clear about my goal(s) in life or whether I was just thinking too much, and reading your blog post was just what I needed!
Thanks! =D
Scott, this is a wonderful post and I agree with you. You have to let life happen organically, enjoy it, work hard, believe in yourself, and you’ll find your way. I think a lot of times when you cling so hard to trying to find something you end up pushing it away, instead of letting it in.
Wendy,
I agree. It’s one of those splits I find interesting. In the short-term, I’m extremely goal-oriented, always having some project to focus myself. But in the long-term I’m the complete opposite, with few set ideas and certainly nothing as specific as a “purpose”. Life’s more fun that way.
hi scott, nice post! i am a doctor studying for an entrance examination which will get me a post-graduation residency. but i don’t agree with point 4 here. i believe if we persist with anything, we will eventually succeed. but giving up believing that “i am probably not born here to become a doctor and may be i am destined to become a good scientist” is premature quitting.
One of your better posts. In the times where college graduates are a dime a dozen, some, most, are struggling with finding that balance between what their “purpose” in life is with regards to their degree. Like me, i thought that i needed that final destiny feeling to get there. In reality, your post makes absolutely more sense than what i had been thinking.
Thanks Scott
David
[...] on that purpose thingy… Posted on October 2, 2010 by Ehab Here is a thoughtful post that pertains to our discussions here, and [...]
I think we all need two things on this earth to give us comfort (a sense of peace).
We need work, and love. And both come in many shapes and sizes.
Real work, helps you “show up” in love….but real love helps you “show up” at work.
I agree–serendipity doesn’t get nearly the credit it should for producing interesting life experiences as well as opening up opportunities we never could have dreamed of. If you ask a “successful” person if they had it all planned out 5 to 10 years ago, nearly all of them will say “I never could have imagined my life would work out this way…”
I will say there’s a lot of benefit to doing old-fashioned introspection on what you really like and dislike. I worked through Nicholas Lore’s book The Pathfinder and not only found the answers useful, but surprising.
For example, understanding that time was much more important to me than money rules out a number of career paths. For a long time, I was on the senior management track. I had mentors and supporters to help me get there. But most executives are expected to spend 60+ hours in the office and a considerable amount of that traveling.
I finally understood that I crave schedule flexibility and family time more than status and money. Along with other revelations I got out of the book, I found a way to quit my job and start designing the future I really wanted.
That said, I didn’t have the life experience at age 20 or even 30 to know those answers. Sometimes the only way is through.
Great post, Scott!
Great post, Scott!
I think that consistent, persistent action is the key to finding your purpose. You don’t find your purpose without action. Vision or “knowing what you want to do” never has the same meat and potatoes as action does.
I have found that if I am uncertain or unmotivated, I simply take a walk and ask myself “what is the next actionable step I can do today to move toward something I really want?”
I got it. There’s no conflit between this opposites, if you should take a big purpose or not. By this, it comes a specific answer of each person. I am the only one who says my truth. By the way, even unconsciously, it takes the same proccess to get small unconscious actions, so why not decide and design the big picture based on them?? If you see what I mean, one day you will understand all insignificant pieces from the past as pieces of your unique puzzle.
Although I am the only one who says my truth and I respect yours.
I liked your breakthrough way of thinking, Scott. You are making the difference!
Scott,
I love your comment: “My #1 rule of blogging is write what you want to read, no more.”
I have been using this idea to generate blog post ideas recently and it really helps!
Scott,
Well written post, timely and relevant. Your comment on building a blog is exactly what i needed to here at the moment. thanks
Scott,
Long time reader, first time commenter. Before reading your post, I’ve never considered the surprisingly interesting question of whether having a life purpose was important. Conventional wisdom is simply that it is. But what I love about your articles and ebooks is how you challenge such received wisdom in a practical way.
My own thought to add is this: how “life purpose” is commonly alluded to by people is puzzling, which I think is where the associated angst and confusion begins. It’s described as though it were some quest to find metaphorical treasure. If only we could discover it somehow, our lives would be magically transformed from that moment forward. It’s a bad metaphor.
Life purpose isn’t something superimposed on us from a deity, or something “out there” (like an X-files episode), or even something inside of us like a tumor just waiting to be discovered. It’s something we constantly create and modify for ourselves within the context of society. I wonder to what extent “not having a life purpose” can be differentiated from “one that isn’t yet concretely defined but is subject to change.” Thoughts?
Life’s purpose? You give life purpose. I don’t know why this is so overthought.
JtotheA,
The point of the article wasn’t to debate the overthought point of whether purpose comes from within or externally (I agree with you there).
Rather, the point is whether a specific purpose is useful, as opposed to a general one. Whether to function at your peak, both in accomplishment and in life satisfaction, one needs to have a specific life purpose (say, being a doctor) or whether a more general one will do (say, creating value in society).
-Scott
Hey Scott,
your points are interesting – and I understand what you mean. But from personal experience, I found out that having a red line in life does help you a lot.
I have been lost and confused for a long time in the past, and I never went straight into any direction. The results were abysmal – a life not worth living.
I have found the big purpose about 1 and half years ago, and since then my life transformed into a wild ride. Being a clear about where you want to go (while staying fresh and open to new stuff) is the grrreatest way to lead a kick-ass life.
It feels awesome to know where to go – your decisions will have more impact and the meaning makes every day feels like a blessing !
So, I’d personally advice everyone to find their own red line !
Thank you for your clarity and vision about life and its possibilities. So often we are told that we must have all the answers RIGHT NOW; I think that teaching is harmful. So many feel lost and unworthy so they dawdle and twist and never experience joy in who they are and what they are doing RIGHT NOW.
I know I am always looking for the next option – the better option – the RIGHT answer that will make all the pieces fall into place so I can find and fulfill my passion and purpose. I also know I miss so much of what’s going on RIGHT NOW. I am working toward being present and aware in my own life. That seems incredibly ridiculous when written out, yet it’s true (a saying about forests and trees is ringing in my head right now).
Most people looking for THE answer are letting life speed past them. Thank you again for reminding me so clearly that life is more about where I am than where I get to.
[...] have been bouncing around in my mind from Scott H Young – one of my own favorite bloggers – Feeling Lost? Stop Worrying about Your “Life Purpose” and Needing Encouragement is a Weakness. Go check them [...]
[...] Feeling Lost? Stop Worrying about Your “Life Purpose” [...]
That is a great read, i have been feeling lost and confused, actually because i dont know if what i am currently doing was my ‘life purpose’.i have decided 2 take on the small projects and achieve the best in them.
I always feel a bit uncomfortable when I read about ‘following your Passion’, ‘Having a aim in your life’. I think all that is way overrated, but since everyone seems to stress the importance of having a purpose in your life, I began to think I was mistaking somewhere. So I was very pleased to read this post!
Instead of a life purpose, I think someone needs some kind of a touchstone to determine whether an opportunity is right or wrong for him/her.
Although he seems to advocate for the life-purpose notion, Richard Bolles offers in his book ‘What color is your parachute?’ a great tool for developing such a touchstone. He calls it the ‘flower diagram’. In the flowerdiagram you make an inventory of your preferences. Having a clear view of your preferences and your makeup, helps you to find a job that suits you well.
Thank you for your inspiring words. I just turned 62 and am healthy, fit, financially secure BUT, I am and have always been a wanderer. I see now the big picture may never be known to me, the moments are what add up to a life. Thank you again Scott for this post
[...] Going through life without any sense of direction is terrifying and extremely difficult. It’s like going through a maze blindfolded. You keep making mistakes all the way and you have to retrace your steps multiple times and start again from the very beginning. But that’s life. You’ll never really know where you’re going and what you’re going to get. But I think it’s going to be okay. “The mistake here is assuming you need to know the destination to motivate yourself…Smaller goals may lack the grandeur of a life calling, but it can still be inspiring… even if you don’t know where your life is going specifically, you can still enjoy the hell out of the ride… Even if you don’t know exactly how [your] life will turn out, you have the little victories along the way. It’s those little victories that can add up to something bigger than you could have ever imagined when you first started.” – Scott Young [...]
But then the idea that finding our self implies finding the self that we lost. The self that was there at some point.
So it mostly means going back in time and finding that self that we call “self”, as in who we are is not a self.
I am sincerely glad I have found this article! I will try not to be to long with my comments, but I need to say something somewhere. The last couple of job and career pursuits over the course of seven years (mental health, paralegal, govt work) has been nothing short of dreadful. After each time ending up in an experience that was seemingly traumatizing, I never wanted to do work again. The last permanent job I had was four years ago and my last anytime job was about three years ago. My wife, having a good, steady job have not really suffered financially, but I have felt like I have lived in the storm gutter with no prospects. With desperation, I choose physical therapist assistant school b/c I had been injured and treated a few times and was interested in learning how to heal myself, although I had no real passion for being a PTA.
Now most of the positives about being physical therapist assistant have seemed to disappear being replaced by doubt, disinterest, and uncertainty about having chosen this path.
But Scott, after reading your article, I realize that I am searching to hard for the passion to guide me through the uncertainty, which is a horrifying thought. Instead of letting go and focusing on the really cool things I can learn, not only in the program but also about going through this experience. The negatives at times just seem to outweigh the positives. Instead of trying to paint the big picture before it is completed, maybe I need to look more at the starting the first paint stroke.(Hopefully that made sense)
Thanks again Scott
You said that “you can still enjoy the hell out of the ride” but what if there is more suffering or negativeness or whatever you wana call bad things in your life than enjoy ing the hell out of the ride.
Hello everyone, priestandrew91@yahoo.com helped me out when i thought my life is lost don’t know where its going……… It all started when the father of my two kids left me and sworn never to have anything to do with me and all effort to get him back prove to be abortive and i decided to let things be the way they are cause i felt my life is lost don’t know where its going. But Priest Andrew came into the picture and things turned out to be how i have ever wanted it to be……….I will forever be grateful to him for the rest of my life, Am so happy!!!!!!!!!! Laura
Thanks for this blog. It’s just what I needed!!!